WOW! Time for an update!

So, so much has been happening lately that I've hardly had time to update everyone on what's been happening! So I guess it's about time I did...

Well, for anyone who doesn't know what our situation has been for the last 5 months, we've been living with my parents while we saved up money to get into our own place. I have been working out at the air force base, and Kyle has been working on his teaching credential. A few months ago, we were finally able to buy Kyle a car, a 2002 Mazda Protege named Rowdy (seen Scrubs?). He takes very good care of Rowdy, to the point that it wouldn't surprise me if the car out-lives the stuffed dog (see Scrubs). Anyway, lol, about a month ago, Kyle began substitute teaching on his not-so-full days. It's been an interesting experience for him, but he's been doing great, and has been asked for his 'sub number' so that he can be requested next time a substitute is needed:)
I suppose I should include some updates about me too. Well...hmm...I've hardly had time to do much worth updating about! lol. I've been on a pretty crazy schedule. My work hours vary from week to week, and sometimes even from day to day. I may have to get up at 2am, or I may get to sleep in as long as I like - problem is, the early mornings are far more frequent than the late ones, so there's little to no chance of me sleepng past 8am, even if I were allowed to sleep until 2pm! Unfortunately, my varying work schedule hasn't left me the option of being consistently involved in much of anything. Two out of three weeks I'm involved in the youth group at church. One Sunday a month I work in the nursery. Every couple of Sundays I sing on the worship team. And every once in a blue moon I hang out with people that I would really love to see far more often than I do! It often feels like I'm busy, busy, busy, yet don't get anything done. On the other hand, I have been thoroughly enjoying being involved in some longer term activities that don't require weekly attendance. For example, in early December I will be decorating and hosting a tea table at our church's ladies' Christmas Tea:) I am having way too much fun with that, and probably spending way too much money on it, but I am really enjoying it. It's also been great getting to know some of the other ladies in the church through all the random exchanges of ideas:) One bit of excitement I experienced lately was receiving my first real tea set:) It's not commonly known, but I've always loved teacups, and have wanted to collect them, but didn't know where to start or where to find them. Then my mom took me to Belladonna's to seek out some inspiration. If I weren't in love with teacups before, I still would be now, haha. I fell completely in love with a beautiful tea set. It was a warm white color, with cozy looking snowmen all over it, with bits of holly, and tiny red cardinals scattered amongst them. Gold edging, and slightly scalloped edges gave it a graceful elegance, while the snowmen gave it a bit of cutesy charm:) It simply begged to be taken home and used to share tea or cocoa in a cozy corner with a friend. But it costed a pretty penny...actually, several. So, on the shelf it stayed...I kept wanting to go back and look at it, like a little girl staring at a doll in a shop window, and felt silly. I kept trying to think of other ideas for my Christmas tea table - perhaps ones that would not cost so much. Then on Sunday my mom brought me a big gift bag, seemingly out of nowhere. My first thought was, "Whose birthday is it?" lol. She said it was for me! (moi? ^_^) In the gift bag was the snowman teapot and two teacups and saucers!:) I was super excited, and of course showed them to Kyle as if it were something that he would be terribly excited about too (silly me, hehe). I felt like a little girl, anxious to invite a friend over for tea with my new tea set, and yet felt very much grown up, having received my first REAL tea set. Then my mom said, "There's two more bags in your room." I was shocked, "You didn't buy the whole SET did you?!?" She said, "Well you need to sit six people at your tea table, right..?" :-o Like a little kid, I jumped up and raced to my room to find a sugar bowl, creamer pitcher, four more teacups and saucers, and six dessert plates. The whole set!!! It felt like Christmas, doubled. I'm not even kidding, it's like a $200+ tea set. My parents said that they were going to get it for me for Christmas, but knew that if I didn't have it for the Christmas Tea, then I would go out and buy a cheap set that I didn't actually want, just to decorate a table. So they thought about making it an early Christmas gift, but knew they would only find something else to get me for Christmas (my mom complains that I'm too easy to shop for, lol), so they've declared it a house-warming gift, lol. Thank you, Mom and Dad!!!
Speaking of house-warming...if you haven't noticed, we're finally moving into our own place!!! Tomorrow after I get off of work, we're going to sign the lease, and begin moving our stuff in:) We will probably spend Friday evening moving the big stuff, like our sofas (yay!), recliner (woot!), bed, and bookshelves. Then Saturday we'll begin moving boxes. That way, when we unpack the boxes, all the big stuff is already in place, so we can put the little stuff where it goes:) It should be a pretty smooth move:) We're very excited about finally having our own place. We will definitely post pictures of our new little home:)
Well, that's about it for now...lol, thanks for reading!

What's In A Nickname?

Do you have any nicknames? I have several. My dad calls me Kriseleven and Girl-Kid. Kyle calls me Cutie. My friends from highschool call me Krys...I've gone through a few random nicknames that were based on whatever phase I was going through at the time, but one thing was pretty consistent...nicknames were only given by people I was particularly close to, or there was a particular affection between us. Sometimes the nicknames given were only known to those who used them. But one thing was always true - these nicknames, however cheesy they may be, made me feel special. People don't give nicknames to just anyone...

Last week on my way to work, I was listening to Air1 and they played an audio clip of Aaron Shust (great artist!) reading one of his favorite verses. Revelation 2:17 reads, "To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it." At the time I thought, "Huh...wonder why that's one of his favorite verses...eh, whatever. Oh hey, I like this next song!" and that was that. Then today I was driving home from work, listening to MercyMe's song, "When You Spoke My Name" and it brought that verse to mind. The two aren't actually related, but allow a little thought-hop and bear with me. "To him who overcomes, I will...give him...a new name...known only to him..." When we get to heaven, we get nicknames! Of course I've heard the new name concept explained as a representation of the death of the old self and such, but think of it this way too: like I said, nicknames aren't given by or to just anyone...and sometimes they are only known by those who use the nickname. Here, Jesus says that He will only give these new names "to him who overcomes," and it will be "known only to the one who receives it." Sounds like a pretty special name, huh? A nickname, a special just-between-us name from God! Now that's a name I can't wait to hear:)

"Cause when You spoke my name,
Oh I swear the angels sang.
Peace came and stole my shame,
when You spoke my name."
-MercyMe

Probably Happier Than Is Socially Acceptable

So I think lately I've pretty much been the happiest person on earth. But, by all means, correct me if you're happier. I definitely wouldn't mind exchanging "why I'm happy" stories:) Anyway, the past weeks have been great, despite the daily blahness called work. I like my job, but it sure takes up a lot of time, lol. But it's all the stuff that happens outside of work that's got me all...jazzified...for lack of a better word. See, beginning in mid-August, life just got really great! We drove out to Arizona to spend a weekend with the Lees and the Saltzmans, and had an amazing time. We visited their church, and saw how God is really working through it in amazing ways. I wish we could've visited for a month or so, rather than a weekend. Leaving was kind of like "coming down off the mountain," lol. It was really exciting to see what God is up to in other areas of the Church:)
The following weekend was youth camp, which was no less than pure awesomeness. I absolutely loved getting to know the girls a bit better, and to talk with a few of them as they sorted through everything they (and I!) were learning. It was amazing to see how, given just a little time free from the distractions of every day life, we all finally tuned our ears to God, and were met with "waves of mercy, waves of grace - everywhere we looked, we'd see His face" (c'mon, you know you're doing the little dance too...). Of course like every camp, we had to "come down off the mountain," but were reminded that the "camp special" wasn't that God was at camp more than He's at home, but that we simply took time for Him...and that can be done at home too:)
The following week I was inspired to start a project. I could explain all the logic behind it, but that would make for a too-long-to-read blog, so I'll skip to the project. I'm starting "a collection of youth-related take-home resources" - in other words, a library for the youth group. I am in the process of collecting books and movies that relate to the kinds of questions, issues and life-choices that teenagers encounter. Anything from theology, to dating, to sexual purity, to defending your faith, to...well, anything! The idea is that these kids have questions, and it is our job to give them resources. Now, I know there is something to be said for seeking the counsel of someone who is older and wiser, but let's face it; if you've been a teenager before, you know it's not always easy to share everything with someone else. I've had issues that I didn't want to share immediately. I don't want kids to leave their questions unanswered, or let the issues they battle become full fledged wars for their souls, just because they didn't have the resources to seek help or answers. I've watched someone very close to me walk away from God because when his friends (including myself) didn't have the answers to his questions, he looked no further, and walked away from God. I never want to see that happen again. So...call me crazy, tell me it's a big job, ask me if it's worth it...or, actually, don't, because I don't care, lol...I am building this library. I've spent a lot of time figuring out the system, working out the kinks, and figuring out what this project is going to take. My dad has told me (from experience, lol), "Don't start a project unless you're willing to do everything yourself...There's no guarantee that everyone will jump in with both feet." So I didn't start it until I had figured it all out on paper, and was sure I would be willing and able to do all the work myself. It's been exciting, and it's stayed on my heart even through figuring out how much work it will be. I haven't been met with encouragement on all sides, to be honest, but for some reason I don't care. I haven't been given a single legitimate reason to just not do it. I've had challenges pointed out to me, but I've modified the system, and kept going. And I am almost ready to get it "officially" going. I have a box of books, and am getting the check-out system ready to go. I am really hoping that the box of books will grow into a shelf of books, and eventually shelves of books. But I've got a decent start going, and a collection that includes some real "five star books". I am also hoping to include movies, as I know there are lots of great Christian films out there, as well as DVDs of seminars, debates, etc which are really interesting. Anyhow, so far I have a library budget of $50 a month, so hopefully each month I'll be able to buy a few books to add to the library. If you have any recommendations, such as books or movies that taught you something, inspired you, or helped you work out an issue, please give me recommendations! I'd really like to buy books that I've heard good things about, so let me know if you know of any books that are real must-haves, or even should-haves;) I suppose it can't hurt to throw it out there that I am accepting donations, so if you can bear to part with the books you would recommend, it would be hugely appreciated if you donated them!:) If not, simple recommendations (or monetary donations if you're particularly inspired to help out:) are definitely appreciated:) Anyway, that's what I've been up to lately, and I've been having a blast doing it:) It's extremely exciting, believe it or not, lol. Kind of in a "If you build it, they will come" sort of way, haha. I haven't gotten giddy about something in a long time, so it is great to be excited about something again:)
Anyway, this has gotten really long, and it's time to finish up dinner. Leave me comments with any book recommendations! Remember they don't have to be specifically "for teens"...they just have to be good ;)

Death, where is your sting?

"Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned - for until the Law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law." -Romans 5:12-13

"Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. The Lord God commanded the man, saying, 'From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die." -Genesis 2:16-17

"Then the Lord God said, 'Behold, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now he might stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever' - therefore, the Lord God sent him out of the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. So He drove the man out, and at the east of the garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim and the flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to the tree of life." -Genesis 3:22-24

Observations...
Romans 5:12 indicates that death entered the world because of sin
Romans 5:13 indicates that the possibility of sin requires 'law'
Genesis 2:16 indicates that God commanded that Adam and Eve not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
Genesis 2:16 is not "the Law," (the law given to Moses), but is sufficient law to make sin possible
Genesis 2:16 only forbids ONE tree: the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
Genesis 3:22, God observes that man had taken from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and was now "like one of Us" (Us = trinity).
Genesis 3:22 God says, "now he might stretch out his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever"
Genesis 3:23 God sent Adam and Eve out of the garden
Genesis 3:24 God stationed angels and a flaming sword to guard the garden of Eden, "to guard the way to the tree of life"

Thoughts...
Okay...so through man, via sin, death entered the world. Does this mean physical, or spiritual death? I have always assumed it was referring to physical death. But today something made me re-think that. In Genesis 3:22-24, God sends Adam and Eve out of the garden of Eden, ***so that they would not be able to eat from the tree of life***. Now, God had never before commanded Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree of life. The fruit of the tree of life was free for the taking. In Genesis 3:22, God indicates that the tree of life would have caused them to live forever........If there was no physical death before sin...then what would the tree of life do? Why would God bar them from it, if they were already created immortal?...Or was there physical death before the fall? Were Adam and Eve given dibs on eternal life (the tree of life was not forbidden!), and ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil instead?? Was there the possibility of physical death in the garden of Eden?...C.S. Lewis wrote, in The Screwtape Letters, from the perspective of Screwtape (a fictional ally of Satan), that Satan and his followers must work to keep us humans believing that physical death is a bad thing. Was he onto something? Do we mistake physical death for spiritual death? Spiritual death is, by all definitions, a BAD thing to bring on yourself. Spiritual death eternally separates us from God. Physical death is completely different. Physical death, in a sense, transports us from the physical world, to the spiritual world (Don't worry, I'm not getting all weird on you). Now think about it...because of sin, physical death MAY transport us to either Heaven, or Hell. If we are bound for Heaven (those who have accepted Christ's sacrifice and forgiveness, and are seen as sinless), physical death is not actually a bad thing! If we are bound for Hell (those who have not accepted Christ's sacrifice and forgiveness, and are seen as sinful), then physical death is a very bad thing, as it is quite literally the point of no return! However...in a sinless world, what would death be? If you're like me, you automatically just thought, "But there isn't death in a sinless world. Romans 6:12-13 says that death came through sin!" Okay, but what kind of death is Romans 6:12 referring to? Physical death, or spiritual death? If it is referring to physical death, then the garden of Eden must have been free of physical death. But if it is referring to spiritual death, then physical death (which, remember, is not a bad thing for the sinless!) could have been a part of the garden of Eden. Consider this - why would Adam have to till the ground, if there were no way the plants would die?...why would there be a tree of LIFE, if there were no death?...why would God give Adam and Eve free access to the tree of Life, if they were already immortal? Would there be any point to a tree of Life, if Adam and Eve COULDN'T die? If there were physical death in a sinless world, that death would be a pretty exciting event! Sinless humans would understand that death is simply a trip from physical earth, to spiritual Heaven! Did God create mortal, perfect humans, so that He could watch the amazing process of life, birth, and death? Did He allow death? Was life a beautiful cycle that began on earth and ended with a one-way trip to Heaven? Was death originally a glorious occurance? A good thing, which like many good things, has been perverted by sin?...Or am I completely off...What do you think?

Diary of a Chain Sinner - Day, uh...9?

Dear Diary,

Well, obviously I've skipped a few days of writing. Audrey and her family got back from vacation Sunday night, so of course I've been busy ever since. They got into town around dinner time, so she picked me up and we went to Denny's. We always go there. It's, like, our spot. The people there know us, and our orders, by heart, lol. Anyway, we went to Denny's and stayed there until we had to leave, to get home by curfew at 1:00 in the morning. Audrey didn't seem to be in much of a hurry to get home in time...she said her parents were so exhausted from the drive, that she was sure they were asleep long before her curfew. I wanted to hang out with her all night (two weeks without my best friend was long enough!) but I knew it was a bad idea to stay out past her curfew. She kind of made me feel like a goodie two shoes. We ARE over 18, and both think it's pretty silly that she still has a curfew. We're in college! Who in college has a curfew?? But her parents say that it's for safety reasons, not because they don't trust her...they say after 1:00 is when the drunks start driving home, and she shouldn't be on the roads for that...and of course there's the "as long as you're living under our roof, you go by our rules no matter how old you are!" thing :-p BLAH. But...as dumb as I think it is sometimes, I found myself trying to convince Audrey that we should just go back to her house, so she'd be home by curfew, but I could just hang out with her there. I definitely didn't want her to get caught missing her curfew, and get grounded (19 yr olds get grounded??!)...I had to go it alone for two weeks while they were on vacation. I was NOT gonna let her get grounded, lol. Anyway...I felt like a sissy for trying to find "logical" excuses for going to her house instead of staying out. Afterwards I thought, "Why didn't I just tell her it's the right thing to do?" Was it wrong for me to chicken out on saying that? I don't know...I'd already met with my Specialist that day, so I couldn't ask Him until yesterday.
Yesterday I started classes again. I didn't get to really meet with my Specialist, cause...well, you know how adjusting to a new class schedule can be. I'm not used to when my breaks are or how long it takes to get from class to class...so I just called Him on my lunch break. Oy, you should've seen how dumb I looked in front of Audrey. See...well, I haven't told her about me seeing a Specialist yet...I don't know why. I'm just not entirely sure how to explain it all to her. I feel like I don't know enough about my own condition and the treatments and all that. So of course when I wanted to call my Specialist I told her I had to call my Friend. (I'd say He qualifies as a Friend to me now, wouldn't you?) As soon as I referred to this "friend" as a "he" she flipped and asked who my new boyfriend was! I told her I didn't have a boyfriend. She wasn't convinced and kept asking who "this guy" is throughout the day. I guess I'll have to explain it to her eventually, huh? Anyway, she (conveniently) had to run to the bathroom, so I used that opportunity to call Him...I told him I wasn't sure when I'd get to meet with Him. He was just glad I called...He said He's very eager to meet with me again, and would love to hear about Audrey and school...(See? He qualifies as a friend;). Anyway, I told Him I'd still read the Book He gave me, tonight. I felt bad not meeting with Him in person, but I'm sure I'll meet with Him again soon...

Diary of a Chain Sinner - Day 6

Dear Diary,

Well, it’s a Saturday. I overslept this morning, and woke up when I was supposed to be meeting with my Specialist. I’m not used to making time for something every single morning, particularly Saturdays. I called Him and explained that I overslept, and asked if we should reschedule or just skip today or what, and He said not to worry about it, that I could come see Him whenever I’m ready. I guess He doesn’t have another appointment right after mine, or He’d be booked…anyway, I grabbed a bagel for breakfast and rushed off to meet with Him. On the bright side, my conscience didn’t hurt. I felt bad for being late, but my conscience has been okay so far today.
My Specialist was waiting for me when I got there to meet with Him. I apologized a zillion times for being late, but He told me not even to worry about it. “How’s your conscience?” He asked me. I told Him it was feeling pretty good, and He said, “Then why do you feel bad for being late? You didn’t do anything wrong. Your conscience would tell you if you did. You see there is a difference between mistakes, and wrong-doing.” I hadn’t really thought about that before. I overslept by mistake…He said, if I’d shirked my responsibilities…woken up, then gone back to sleep knowing I had somewhere to be…then it would be a deliberate wrong-doing. “Unfortunately,” He told me, “a lot of people, once they hear that, they try to label everything they do wrong as a mistake. Learn to know the difference, and be honest with yourself about what a mistake is. Everyone is entitled to a few mistakes. Nobody is entitled to a few free sins. And sins have eternal consequences, whereas mistakes have momentary consequences.” I guess the consequences for my mistake this morning weren’t too bad, lol. But I bet if I’d knocked over mom’s antique vase on my way out the door, those consequences would’ve been bad! Haha. Yay for a gracious Specialist;)
Oh, one thing we talked about was…I realized that once I start school again, I won’t be able to come see Him at 8:00 every morning. He told me not to worry about what time I’m available. He said, “The important thing is that you are available. Not what time. I’m available whenever you are, so drop by whenever you can.” One thing He told me was that I should call Him any time I want. I’m not sure what would cause a need for me to actually call Him when I’m meeting with Him every day, but…I guess I’ll keep it in mind. He said that living in this world, I’d never know when I may need to reach Him, so He makes Himself available to me any time day or night. Hopefully I won’t have to reach Him outside our daily meetings, but…okay. lol. Anyway, Mom and I are off to buy my books for my new classes…

Diary of a Chain Sinner - Day 5

Dear Diary,

It occurred to me today…I’m sure not acting like a cancer patient. I’ve known cancer patients, and their situation always made me feel scared for them; I’d want to be hopeful, but not foolish and in denial about the reality of their condition. On the other hand, I know more than one cancer survivor:) I guess I get to be one too now:) Wait…see what I mean? I’ve got one of the deadliest forms of cancer, yet all the hope and confidence in the world. My Specialist says these treatments are guaranteed, so…I guess I don’t just have hope. I have confidence. I’m awfully glad I don’t have to go through chemo…I hear that stuff is murder on your digestive system. Anyway, I can tell I’m a lot more optimistic and confident about my condition, since seeing my Specialist.
This coming Monday I’m gonna have to go back to school though. Summer classes start, and I can’t miss that. Audrey and I are taking summer classes so we can get done with junior college sooner and get out of here!;) I’m definitely ready to go back to school. Audrey’s family went on vacation between semesters, so I’m ready to have my best friend back.
Anyway, I met with my Specialist again this morning, and we talked about David, the guy He told me about yesterday. David wrote a lot of songs. I guess he was better with songs and poetry than just talking or something, cause he wrote songs about his experiences, and gave them to my Specialist, back when he was a patient. We read part of the same one as yesterday. David said, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.”* David had screwed up pretty bad, and his conscience was giving him some serious trouble. He needed our specialist to remind him about the hope and confidence that He had given David; he needed the sins off his chest, and the joy back in his heart. Even when his conscience was in good shape, he needed the Specialist’s help. That made me feel a little better about going through treatment for the rest of my life. David needed help too. And…I think he felt kind of like I did a few days ago…how I said I felt like I could talk to my Specialist any time and He would be there to help me. David needed help, even after years with a healthy conscience. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so dumb talking to my Specialist when I need help. Another thing I found interesting was when David wrote about telling other sinners about the Specialist. I asked my Specialist how David could tell who else was sick and needed treatments. He said, “It’s pretty easy…everyone has it. Everyone needs treatment. Everyone needs help, and if they don’t realize it, or are told about it, they’ll just try to placate the pain with things that never work.” That’s really sad :( I’d hate to think of my parents, or Audrey trying to get rid of the pain in their conscience with all sorts of hopeless methods. When I told my Specialist this, He told me not to worry too much about my parents…they’ve been coming for treatments for years! Apparently they don’t come daily but they try, and their consciences are healthy. He said check-ups are better than nothing, but that it couldn’t hurt to encourage them to come daily. I guess Audrey isn’t one of His patients yet…maybe I should tell her about Him. I don’t know though…I’m not exactly the conscience-tumor expert yet, so I’m not sure what to tell her…I’ll just be glad to see her on Monday though! Maybe it’ll come up in regular conversation:) I’ll have to tell her what I did while she was on vacation anyway!

Diary of a Chain Sinner - Day 4

Dear Diary,

Well, today is my third day of treatment. I don’t really feel like going…I know I should, but I feel bad about my attitude yesterday. I got pretty frustrated with my Specialist, and I wouldn’t be surprised if He were a little miffed at me…but I’ll feel even dumber tomorrow if I were to ditch today…so I’ll go…my conscience is hurting. Ever since treatment yesterday it’s been really sensitive and achy. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but I don’t like it hurting…hopefully today’s treatment will help…if I don’t spend the whole treatment feeling stupid…I’ll write about how it goes later.


Dear Diary,

Why am I such a pessimist? I feel kind of silly for expecting my Specialist to be mad at me about my frustrations yesterday. He wasn’t upset at all, and was glad I came back. That made me feel a lot better. When I asked Him if He was mad at me for spouting off yesterday He said, “You spouted off yesterday?…Oh…well my dear, I seem to have forgotten it entirely” sounding a bit like an absent minded old man. It made me laugh, cause I know His mind is sharp as ever, so I’m sure He hasn’t really just forgotten. I know He hasn’t really just forgotten, actually, because He answered a lot of the questions I asked yesterday. Apparently, my conscience will hurt even when it’s healthy, when it is given cause for pain. He explained, “Sins, bad things you do, bad attitudes you have, and so on, are what cause your conscience to hurt. The tumor has little to do with the pain. The tumor is dead tissue that grows…it’s presence bothers you because it is not supposed to be there, and hinders your conscience from working properly. But sin still hurts your conscience, and that is a good sign. It means the cancer has not taken over your conscience.” This took awhile for me to process…the tumor isn’t what causes pain, sin is. He helped me understand that the treatments are a two-part exercise for that reason. The tumor, while it doesn’t hurt, is not supposed to be there. So part of the treatment is to get rid of the tumor. My conscience will hurt when I sin, and so the second part of the exercises are to help me avoid sin. Yesterday it seemed like I was fighting the cancer, and my conscience. Now I get it though. I’m fighting the tumor, and anything that causes my conscience pain! So, with a healthy conscience, I’m not guaranteed pain – I’m just capable of feeling it if I do something that does cause it to hurt. Anyway, so I’m supposed to keep reading this Book He gave me, so I can learn what sorts of things to avoid…the things that would make my conscience hurt. And I’m supposed to keep meeting with Him. He said that just meeting with Him and talking about my condition helps to shrink the tumor. I’m not sure how that works, but…I am feeling pretty good after today’s treatment, so…I guess maybe He’s onto something..:)

Anyway, today we read something in the Book that I thought was interesting. My Specialist was telling me about this guy named David who was a really good guy, whose heart was generally in the right place. He had a pretty healthy conscience, but one time I guess he really screwed up (literally), and his conscience was practically killing him. But something he wrote helped me understand how a healthy conscience, and a painful conscience are a good thing…he wrote, “Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.”* The pain in his conscience gave him the desire to get rid of the sin in his life that was causing him so much pain! My Specialist told me that He wants me to pay attention to my conscience, and when it hurts, try to think of what might be making it hurt. I told Him my conscience was hurting yesterday after treatment and He asked why I thought it might be hurting at that particular time…I realized it started hurting when my attitude flared up. When I told Him this, He looked like I’d just unearthed some incredibly valuable information, lol. He said He was really pleased because, one, I identified what caused my conscience pain, and two, I told Him about it. I’m not sure why He was so excited about this, but it did feel good to get it off my chest, anyway. Well, I’m getting writers cramp, so I’m gonna end this…hopefully I’ll have more good stuff to write after tomorrow’s treatment.

*Psalm 51:2-3

Diary of a Chain Sinner - Day 3

Dear Diary,

I met with my Specialist again today. We read some of the Book that He gave me, and talked about what sort of exercises I should be doing to combat the tumor on my conscience. I have a feeling I have a long road ahead of me. My Specialist always seems hopeful and encouraging, always pushing me gently to keep going with the treatments. I'm a little confused though. I asked Him how long it would take for the treatment to work. He said it's already working. I asked Him how soon I would be cancer free. He said I would be cancer free when I die! This was frightening and discouraging at the same time. I asked what the point of fighting it was, if I was going to have it for the rest of my life. He explained that there is always sin around me, and I will always have to fight my own urge to sin…and so my conscience is always needing these treatments, to keep it healthy and sharp. He said that my conscience, when healthy, will hurt to some degree whenever I'm sinning, or just sitting on the side lines watching my friends sin. I thought I was going through treatment to get rid of pain! Why is He now telling me that my conscience will hurt when it's healthy?! It's kind of frustrating, and I can see why some people quit treatments >( Am I working for the sake of getting rid of the discomfort? Or am I working only to find out the discomfort is always gonna be there? Am I supposed to fight this cancer for the rest of my life, only to have my conscience causing me constant discomfort every waking hour?? *sigh* I actually kind of vented all that frustration off on my Specialist, and felt kind of bad afterwards…my conscience hurt. He sat there quietly for quite awhile after I finally shut up, and even when He stayed calm and caring, I felt like leaving. I don't know why. I just didn't want to sit there looking at Him when I was frustrated with His 'treatments'. These 100% guaranteed treatments, and…my conscience is still gonna hurt whenever I sin? How is that a cure? I thought I was supposed to be perfectly healthy and happy because of these treatments. Whose definition of "healthy" are we going by here?! *sigh* I know He cares, and His intentions are good, but…what is really the point of all this? What's tomorrow going to be like? I feel like I don't know anything, and these exercises are such a slow process…I don't know…maybe every patient goes through this…

Diary of a Chain Sinner - Day 2

Dear Diary,

This morning I had my scheduled appointment with the Specialist. It was kind of weird. I went in feeling like I was going in for more bad news, but when I met with Him, He seemed like He was SO glad I was there. I mean, not just "nice to see you" but…like He was glad that I was meeting with Him rather than at school or work like all the healthy people. I really like Him though. He's really gentle and understanding. Even when He has to talk about things that worry me, He's…actually a lot of fun to be around. Not your typical doctor to say the least. I feel really comfortable around Him. It's weird. I don't feel like I know Him all that well, but I feel like He knows me all that well…if that makes sense. Anyway, He's really cool…of course I haven't gotten into the painful, hard work type stuff yet. This appointment was basically to talk about what my condition is. My chances are 100%. But my tumor is still a real problem. It's weird…now that I know what it is, it hurts more:(. My Specialist said that that's normal, because my conscience, where the tumor is, is a unique organ. I guess most organs, when they have problems, they become more and more sensitive, and the pain increases. The conscience though, as problems progress, after getting past the worst of it (where I'm at now) it starts becoming desensitized. He said this is what causes a lot of people to quit treatment. It's less work to just let the cancer do it's thing until you can't feel it anymore, because it eventually sears your conscience completely. That's pretty gross. But I guess some people would prefer that over what He calls a clear conscience. I want to go through the treatment though, not just wait until it's painless. My Specialist seemed really sad when He explained about people preferring to just wait until it becomes painless, because this is the most deadly cancer, and when people actually choose the cancer over the cure…it's like suicide, and there's nothing He can do. I can tell, He cares for every one of His patients. For some reason that doesn't make me feel like He only cares for me because He cares for all His patients…call me crazy, but I still feel special…like I'm His only patient…like I could call Him in the middle of the night if my conscience started hurting, and He would be there just for me… Okay, maybe I am crazy. I won't really call Him in the middle of the night about my conscience, but…I like feeling like I could, even if I won't. It at least leaves me feeling hopeful…

Anyway, about the treatment. Since this kind of cancer is one of the fastest growing kinds, I am to go through treatments every day. He finally told me why this treatment is so much work. The treatment is sort of a two part exercise. One part is (believe it or not) just getting me informed. He gave me this Book, which is all about (believe it or not) my Specialist, other patients He's had, what causes this cancer, what helps it, what makes it worse…there's stuff about how this cancer came into the world, people who have gone through treatment, people who have denied the treatment…sometimes it feels like a history lesson, but He says that almost all of His patients gain some comfort, and strength to fight the cancer, by reading about people who have been there too. He also said that there is tons of information in this book about how to prevent my cancer from spreading. The cause of the cancer is sin. The scary thing is that this cancer can feed off of my own sins, OR second hand sin. Both make it worse, if left unguarded. My Specialist said this doesn't mean that I can't be around anyone who sins. He said that would require complete quarantine which would just be ridiculous. He said quarantining His patients is as bad as killing them. He told me to read the Book for details, but that basically the treatment, at first just helps me learn how to keep the cancer from spreading. The second part of the treatment is actually fighting off the cancer. He said that's the part that scares people, because it changes lives completely. Is it bad for me to worry about that? I mean…like I said, I trust my Specialist…but does that mean I should never worry about what I'm doing and going through? Is it wrong for me to question Him? Is He going to think I'm going to back out, if I'm afraid of this? I don't know…all I know is that, even with all my questions and uncertainties, I get a lot of comfort from Him, even when I don't have all the answers. Anyway…starting tomorrow I'm supposed to meet with Him daily to read this book, so that I can keep this tumor from growing. Well…here's hopin'…

Diary of a Chain Sinner - Day 1

Dear Diary,

Today I was given some news that, well...isn't so pleasant. Honestly, for some reason it hit me like a ton of bricks, though I'm not sure why. I've heard about the affects of second-hand sin, but I guess I didn't realize just how much it affected me until I tried it first hand. I don't sin all that often. I guess I'd say I'm a social sinner. I'm not dependent on it, so I thought I was okay. Now I'm told that I have, well, a tumor of sorts. I went in because something, I wasn't sure what, was causing all sorts of discomfort, particularly when I was at church. It got to the point where it kind of scared me, so I decided to go see a specialist. I told Him about what I was experiencing: constant discomfort, the painful lump in the pit of my stomach when Pastor teaches...He didn't even have to run any tests to tell me what it was. Classic symptoms, I guess, of a tumor on my conscience. I should consider myself lucky, I suppose...It's the most deadly type of cancer, but it's the one type of cancer whose treatment is guaranteed to work, if I'll consent to the treatment. I was surprised (to put it lightly) when He asked me if I wanted to go through treatment...He wanted to explain all the details of the treatment to me, because apparently a lot of people decline treatment, or start it and quit, because...well, I guess it can be painful, and a lot of work, and a huge change, and He said a lot of people fear pain, work, and change more than the risk, discomfort and certain death of denying treatment. I was amazed when He told me that millions of people have declined this treatment even though it's FREE! That, at first, completely blew my mind, but then I thought...what does this treatment entail? What will it do to me? It's guaranteed to get rid of the cancer, which is a miracle, because this type of cancer is known for its rapid growth. But...honestly, like everybody else, I'm not a huge fan of work or pain...and change is pretty intimidating. What will it change? He said everything. He let me consider it for awhile before I had to decide. The hard part was, I kind of had to decide on my own. Well, He said I could talk to people who had gone through the treatment if I wanted to, but He didn't recommend asking my friends if I should go through with it...apparently a lot of people who haven't actually been diagnosed and had to come to grips with the reality, don't realize that, as those who are in treatment would say, it's worth it. Anyway...I...I'm honestly scared to death but...He's the specialist, He's seen millions of cases like mine, and...I can tell He cares. I don't know Him all that well yet, but for some reason...I trust Him. So I'm going through with treatment. I'm not sure what it's going to be like, but He said it's worth every bit of it...so I believe Him. I guess I'll write more about it as I go...

New Job!!!

Well, after over 5 long months of job hunting, we finally found one!!! Today I was officially offered a position as a computer operator out at the air force base:) It will definitely be a whole different experience from my past jobs, but I am excited about it:) I have always liked learning new things, and this will definitely be a learning experience:) Who knew there was such thing as a job that I would qualify for, but would also learn a lot from?!:) I will be starting work there on June 16th. I'm gearing myself up for near insanity the previous week though, haha. We'll be moving from LA to Lancaster on the 15th, and starting school and work on the 16th. Throw in finals, graduation and Kyle's CBEST test, and it's going to be quite a hectic week. Pray that we get through it with enough energy left over to start school and work with fresh enthusiasm!:)

Kyle's Birthday:)

Well, last Wednesday was Kyle's 23rd birthday:) He sort of got an extended birthday this year:) On Tuesday, we went out to BJ's for dinner, and thoroughly enjoyed dinner and a pazooki:) (If anyone doesn't know what a pazooki is, they're missing out on one of life's greatest joys;). On Wednesday Kyle got woken up by a birthday card, and got a specially made breakfast that actually took some effort to fix, as opposed to the typical fried or scrambled eggs, and he seemed to enjoy it. Unfortunately, birthdays aren't excuses to skip school or work, so he still had to go about most of his normal day. After I dropped him off, I went and hung out at the fraternity house and the UCLA store until he got out of class. Then I met up with him on his lunch break:) I took him to work, then headed for home. While he was at work, I got all "cutesied up" in a springy dress, then went to pick him up. The rest of the evening was hardly the dream birthday of a 23-year-old married man, lol. Traffic was lousy, so it took awhile to get home. When we got home, we were both really hungry, so he opted for leftovers instead of waiting for dinner to be cooked. Then we watched 'Enchanted' (y'know, the latest Disney princess movie..?). When the movie was over around 10:00pm, we were both really tired, and went straight to sleep...well, in the sense that a group of 3rd grade girls at a sleepover "go to sleep"...we actually stayed up talking and laughing for another 45 minutes or so. But after that we fell asleep. It must have been the girliest birthday either of us have experienced, but we both had fun:) Apparently Kyle was in a "let's do whatever" type mood, and a princess movie just happened to be our next NetFlix rental, lol, so we watched it! It was a really good movie though, and we both enjoyed it:) Anyway, on Friday, we had planned a lovely hike up in the San Gabriel Mountains. The trail followed a creek, and was up in the foresty part of the mountains. Unfortunately, it was POURING rain up in the mountains on Friday. It was sprinkling down in LA, but we figured we'd actually enjoy hiking in the cool overcast, slightly drizzly weather. But by the time we got to the trailhead, the drizzle had developed into a heavy downpour:-\ At this point, we were just about at the top of the mountains, so rather than turn around and go back, we just continued over the mountain, and took the scenic route down to Lancaster:) We ate our picnic lunch in the car, took a few pictures through the car windows, and continued on. It was actually a really pleasant drive, and we both enjoyed it.
We had a nice weekend in Lancaster, and celebrated Kyle's birthday with both families:) Kyle got to go to the driving range for a bit of golf practice with his dad, and they played a game of pool:) (who won??) We ate pizza and played Cranium and watched a movie with his parents, and he opened several great gifts from them:) His mom made Rocky Road (not the ice cream, but something SO much better;), and of course we enjoyed that! We went out for dinner and ate Ben&Jerry's ice cream with my parents, and Kyle got a few more neat presents from them:) It was a really fun weekend, and...oh! and yes, I got him something for his birthday too. But I bought the wrong kind of See's candies:( During a "we're broke, why are we window shopping?" trip, I'd told Kyle, that he'd get a box of his favorite See's chocolates (which we were drooling over at the See's store) for his birthday, and then I bought the wrong kind:( Guess I'll just have to go get the right kind when these ones are gone, huh?;) Anyway, Kyle had a good birthday, and is now looking forward to his up-coming graduation! (Maybe that'll be my excuse for buying more See's chocolates, to get the right kind;)

Mount Hollywood Hike

Friday afternoon, Kyle and I were able to get out for a bit of adventure in the great outdoors:) Well, adventure in the sense of getting exhausted and a little bit sunburned;) Nothing REALLY adventurous happened, but it was really nice to get out and hike around:) We hiked up Mount Hollywood, which is the ridge next to where the Hollywood sign sits. It was a pretty steep climb, and showed me just how out of shape I really am, but it was a fun way to get out and about:) Here are a few pictures from the hike!

And The Count-Down Begins!

Well, the Count-Down to our move has officially begun! The "official-ness" is only signified by the presence of a count-down on my MySpace page, but hey, it gets me excited:) It's like an advent calendar;) Actually, it is very much like an advent calendar, in the sense that it gets half of me excited, and makes half of me think, "Oh no! I have way too much to do between now and then!" This move is going to be quite a crazy transition. Kyle has his last final exam on June 11th, graduates on June 13th, takes the CBEST test (so he can substitute teach while working on his credential) on June 14th, and (hopefully) begins summer classes at CSUB on June 16th. Needless to say, that is going to be a busy week! I'm glad we found out how crazy the weekend is going to be, ahead of time. If I know it's going to be crazy, I can prepare for it;) So, as of yesterday I have started packing up thing that we won't be needing between now and the move. I have also started to deep clean our apartment, so that when we move out, the final cleaning will be easier. I recently discovered the amazing-ness of bleach, and am pretty sure that by the time we are out of here, this apartment will look like new;) Bleach pens for dirty grout, bleach water to soak the sinks, bleach powder to scrub the toilets...I love now they put in all white tile, toilets, shelves, etc;) Unfortunately I can't do all that until the last minute. I'm sure anyone who has a kitchen knows how quickly grout can turn grungy again. Another thing I love about bleach is that the bugs who generally invade our place on a daily basis have taken to hiding. Apparently they don't like extreme cleanliness. Aside from wishing I could actually exterminate them, I don't mind if they just hide until we're gone. Anyway, the move is slowly, and quickly, approaching and we're anxious, in both senses. In the mean time, we're keeping busy trying to prepare for all the craziness ahead. Pray that it goes smoothly!

Upgrade and Jury Duty

Well, we received our stimulus package money from the government, and though we think it was a somewhat silly thing for the government to do, we accepted it, and Kyle was able to get his long awaited computer upgrade:) Friday after he got off school, we drove to Fry's Electronics, and he wandered the isles wide-eyed like a kid in a candy store...Well, okay, so not really, but I'm sure if he had a little less restraint, he would have. If you've seen Kyle's "cookie face" I'm sure you get the idea. Anyhow, he carefully selected a few new computer parts, and...Well, we were on our way to Lancaster, so he anxiously waited all weekend before he was able to put the new parts in his computer. Poor guy, lol. Sunday night when we drove back to LA, he immediately pulled out his computer case and began what seemed like surgically removing computer pieces, lol. I don't know what on earth half of them do, but he knew what he was doing, so I sat back and watched, compressed air can in hand. That was my job...air dusting. In the end, to be honest, I can't tell that the upgrade did anything at all to his computer, but apparently now it can run computer games that it previously would have had some major struggles with. Kyle can see the difference, whatever it is, and he is excited, so I'm glad:) It's a good thing we only have a studio apartment right now, because I'm sure that if he had a computer room, I would never see him again, lol. Okay, not really;) Anyway, that has been the highlight of his week:)
The highlight of my week...or perhaps the low-light, I'm not sure which...was *sigh* jury duty. I've never been summoned for jury duty before, so this was a whole new experience to me. Or so I thought. Driving to the courthouse and finding the place was new. Waiting all day was...well, it was kind of like I imagine going to the dentist for a root canal is...you wait in a stuffy waiting room, waiting for the fateful moment they call your name and send you to your doom...At least that's what everyone there made it seem like at first. I began to wonder if jury duty was run by the devil himself, the way most of the people there talked about it. After awhile though, I actually kind of enjoyed it. Everybody there was "suffering" through the same thing, so people ended up being far more friendly to each other than I imagine they would be if they met, say, on the freeway, or in a crowded grocery store. From about 7:45 a.m. onward, I waited and waited and waited and waited and...well, waited some more. Pretty soon, complete strangers were conversing jovially, many using humor as their means of surviving the day. Around 11:00, they called out names for the first panel of people. My name wasn't called. About 11:45 they called for another panel. My name wasn't called. About noon, they let us go for lunch. The only food nearby that didn't require cash (which I had none of), was Starbucks, so I reluctantly gave them a bit of traitorious (new word?) business, and went back to the jury pooling room. At this point I had probably written about four pages of a letter to my pen-pal. When I got back, I waited and wrote some more...and some more...Around 2:00 they called another panel. My name wasn't called. I waited some more. Around 3:00 they called another panel. My name wasn't called. After calling that panel, there was only me and two other people in the room. I was pretty sure they were not going to call a panel of three...They noticed there were still people waiting and said, "That should have been everyone. If your name has not been called, come to the window, and we'll figure out where you should go." The three of us went to the window. They scanned our juror badges and told us to join the last group. Gee, that was difficult:-p lol. We joined the next group and waited outside the court room. Me and the other lady who hadn't been called to panel ended up talking with a few other ladies while we waited. One of them was hilariously obnoxiously funny, and I wasn't sure if I wanted her to stick around so I could laugh at her, or to leave so I didn't have to listen to her, lol. But the five of us at least passed the time together. Around 3:40, a lady stepped out of the court room and said, "Our case has been settled, so you are not needed. Return to the jury pooling room for further instructions." When we got back to the jury pooling room, they told us we were done for the day, which meant that we were done for the year. I'd started out with mixed feelings about jury duty. Part of me didn't want to be assigned a case, and hoped I would be excused or not wanted, or apparently biased or something. Part of me thought it would at least be interesting, and/or a learning experience to actually be a part of a jury. Part of me wanted to get out of it so that it didn't interfere with our plans for the next weeks. Part of me wanted to do it, so that I had something to do! In the end, I figured it was a win win situation, and I would be fine with whatever happened. So of course, in the end I was fine with not having to come back! It was kind of a bummer to have wasted a day waiting, and it's kind of disappointing to meet neat people and leave knowing I'll probably never see them again...but it was...and interesting boring day, if that makes any sense. In the end, I got an excuse to sit around doing nothing all day, Holly will get a book sized letter, and I drew a rough sketch of a squirrel...I'll claim that it wasn't a complete waste of a day...even though it pretty much was.
Anyhow...here are a few pictures of Kyle and "his baby" as his mom and I call it;)

Update / A Fun Weekend :)

Wow, I'm really slacking on this blogging thing...time for another update!
Well, we're in the middle of Kyle's last quarter at UCLA. In June, he will officially be a UCLA Alumni (alumn? alumnus? alumni??)! We're very excited for him to finish school:) On the other hand, he'll be back to the grindstone, working on his masters degree and teaching credential this fall. So, in June we'll be moving back to Lancaster, so that Kyle can go to the Cal State Bakersfield extension. We're heading into a time of transition, which will mean a lot of packing and cleaning and planning and changing plans, but we're excited about it:) In the meantime, Kyle's working hard on school and bringing home the bacon (well, the pay checks and coffee;). I am currently still job hunting, but God has been providing for us in some creative and exciting ways, and we are doing alright financially.
One thing that being jobless has not interfered with is our ability to have fun:) This past weekend we drove up to Lancaster to visit our parents and get out of the city. Friday was a beautiful day and we spent the afternoon washing cars and playing with Sadie, Kyle's parent's yellow lab:) Saturday continued in the lovely weather pattern, so we took advantage of it! Kyle's parents are considering getting another dog, so we all went down to the animal shelter to see if there were any good options to adopt. I have to admit, the animal shelter is a kind of sobering place, but we did find a couple of really sweet dogs there. Unfortunately neither of them could be adopted immediately, but if they are still there, hopefully one will be coming home with Kyle's family soon:)
After visiting the animal shelter, we all went to see the movie/documentary "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed". It was really interesting, and I'd definitely recommend it to anyone who is interested in science, education, intelligent design, or just anyone who's willing to think:)

The weather continued on beautifully, so of course we had to continue taking advantage of it. So, Kyle and I drove out to the A.V. Poppy Reserve just outside of town. The hills out to the west of Lancaster were just rolling with the orange brilliance of wild poppies:) It was really beautiful, and from what I hear, there were even MORE poppies a few weeks ago! But there were plenty of poppies to enjoy:) We hiked one of the loops, and took pictures of poppies, bugs, lizards, other plants, each other...anything that looked interesting! It was great to get out and enjoy nature:) Living in the middle of Los Angeles, we don't get to do that very often, so it was a big treat:) Here are some pictures from the Poppy Reserve:)

Updates...

Wow, I didn't realize it'd been so long since I'd blogged! I guess it's time for an update, isn't it? Well, we're still here in LA, and are still very much ready to get out. I'm still job hunting, with a somewhat discouraging lack of results. Kyle is getting back to the grindstone, working on his last quarter at UCLA. We're excited for him to graduate:) Financially, by God's grace, we're doing just fine. Our tax returns, unemployment, and Kyle's paychecks have kept us afloat. We have actually been able to have a little bit of fun lately. A few weeks ago, we went for a short hike up in the San Gabriel Mountains, with my parents. A week later, Kyle's brother, Cory, came home from being stationed in Florida, and we were able to spend some time with Kyle's whole family, which was a nice treat:) We have made several trips to Santa Monica recently, and each time we have not been able to resist going into 'Recreation Equipment Inc.' (REI), a outdoorsy type sporting goods store. It's a camper's paradise. Well...it's a RICH camper's pardise. It's a poor camper's torture chamber. Haha. See, we're poor campers, so all we can really do is go in there and drool all over the beautiful backpacking packs, tents, hiking boots, topo maps, rock-climbing gear, camping stoves, CamelBacks.....*sigh* It's fun though, even though we couldn't possibly afford any gear right now:) Last trip, I found a pack which, eventually, I'd like to buy. No rush though. After all, we ARE kind of stuck in LA most of the time, lol. But hopefully before long, we'll move to Lancaster, I'll get a job, and we'll be able to take a couple of weekend trips up into the mountains. Borrowed gear will work for the time being;) As long as we get some good ol' fashioned camping in, I'll be thrilled!:) The mountains have been calling me, so answering the call is more important to me than buying a fancy new pack. But maybe someday...;)
This past weekend, our friend Eryn came down from Oregon for a pastor's conference, and we were able to visit with her for the weekend before the conference:) It was neat getting to spend some time with her:) We've all been friends for years, but rarely actually get to see each other, so having her for the weekend was a treat:)
Now, however, we're pretty much fallen back into our routine of school, job hunting, cooking, cleaning, sleeping, school, job hunting...But June is approaching, and we are excitedly awaiting Kyle's graduation from college, and our "graduation" from living in Los Angeles :D

"...let us run..."

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

If you’ve been in church for any length of time, chances are that you’ve heard the Christian "walk" compared to running a race. It’s a sort of classic. This past weekend, at the Father’s Eyes Conference, I heard the same analogy used in a different light. Krista, the speaker (she’s GREAT), very nicely compared coming to Christ with training for a race. You see the neat little correlation there?:) She painted such a neat picture, that I just had to share it with you. I’m going write what she said as if I’m saying it though...it’s easier than all the "she said, and then she was like," and so on. But, unfortunately, I can’t take credit for it, lol...

Anyway...so a few years back, I went with my husband to the L.A. Marathon. He’s much more athletic than me, and he’d decided he was going to do it. So of course I was there to cheer him on:) When we got there, it was so cool! Everyone there was so pumped up to be there! It was like...all these people, who don’t even know each other personally or anything, were all there for the same purpose! And that one thing that they had in common made everyone so friendly, and nice, and accepting of each other. Because they all agreed on everything? No, cause they were all runners! It was really cool:) Anyhow, I positioned myself near the finish line, so that I could get a good shot of Kyle crossing the finish line. The cool part was, I got to see everyone cross the finish line:) It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever watched. Every single one of those people...you could tell, by the way they crossed the finish line, why they ran the race. Some of them ran strong, all the way up to the finish line and collapsed! You could tell that marathon took every ounce of energy they had in them, but they gave it all. It was a real test of determination and self will. Some of them "ran" across the finish line as if they were about to die. It was like they weren’t sure they were ever going to make it all the way, and then saw the finish line, and had to force themselves just to finish! It was their first marathon, and the goal was just to do it. Some of them ran across the finish line, pumping their arms over their heads, with big triumphant grins spread across their faces. They’d done it before, and knew they could do it, but came again year after year, to prove that they were still in the game. It was, by far, the coolest thing I’ve watched. After watching that marathon, I knew, somehow, I was gonna run next year. I decided...that was something I wanted to be a part of. But...just wanting to be a part of it wasn’t going to be enough. There were definitely some steps that I had to take in order to get there. It’s the same way with coming to Christ. You can go to your friend’s youth group, and realize that it’s something you want to be a part of, but there are steps you have to take in order to really become a follower of Christ.
First off, you have to make a decision. I decided that I was going to run the L.A. Marathon in one year. If I’d just thought, "That’d be cool, maybe I’ll join in next time ’round," I can guarantee that the next year, I’d just be taking pictures again. I had to make a real, concious decision that running that marathon was something I was determined to do, and that it was worth taking the next step to do. If you’re checking out Christianity, and thinking, "Yeah, it’d be cool to be a ’christian’...maybe I’ll go to church next week if I feel like it." I can almost guarantee that you’re not going to stay with it - and that makes a huge difference. You need to decide, with all your heart, mind, and will, that you believe in what Jesus did for you, and you want to follow Him.
Secondly, you have to get real! When I decided I was going to run that marathon, I was not ready to actually run it. I knew this. I knew I was going from running maybe once a week...or...at least walking once a week, to running twenty-six point two miles! Now, I don’t know why they throw the "point two!" in there, as if twenty-six miles isn’t enough, but it kind of made it that much more challenging just to think about. Anyway, I’d decided I was going to do this. So I went out and bought a cute running outfit to motivate myself - I’m not a runner, but hey, I can look the part anyway;) So the next Monday, I went out to see what I could do. *hangs head in shame* I couldn’t even run a half a mile without stopping! Seriously, half a mile from home, I was sitting on the curb thinking, "there is no way I’m ever gonna be able to run twenty-six point two miles!" *sigh* I had a ton of work to do. I was nowhere near my goal. Now, I could’ve gone home and lied to my husband and said, "Psh, that first mile was easy! I’ve got a year to train for this? This is gonna be a cinch!"...or I could get real, and walk in the house with my head hung in shame, and say, "...Honey I stink! I can’t even run a half mile! You’ve done this before. Train me, please!!" Well, it didn’t feel great to say it, but if I was gonna run that race next year...I needed his help. So I asked for it.
Coming to Christ, just like my pathetic first attempt at running, is not something you can fake. You gotta come straight to the throne of God, with all your weaknesses - He knows about ’em all anyway, so why act like you’ve got this whole Christian gig in the bag? You have to get real with God. My husband knew I wasn’t prepared to run that race, so he didn’t think I was silly to admit I needed his help, and he was willing to train me. God knows where you really stand, and He doesn’t expect you to have it altogether! And the awesome part is, He’s willing to train you. But first, you gotta get real with Him. Tell Him about your weaknesses, the baggage you’re carrying, the stuff you’ve done that you’re ashamed of, the attitudes you have that you know you shouldn’t...get real with Him, and let Him see all the areas where you need Him most - it’s mandatory if you ever expect to see growth and change.
Thirdly...you gotta start the transformation. For me to get ready for that marathon...it wasn’t enough to decide to run it, and then realize that I couldn’t! I had to take steps, I had to make changes. I had to change the way I ran, to get the most out of my efforts. I had to change the way I ate, to get rid of the junk that would just slow me down. I had to change the way I looked at pain, because pushing myself did not mean avoiding aching muscles, side stitches, and breaking a sweat. When you decide to follow Christ, and you get real with God and ask Him to train you, to prepare you for what following Him really takes...you’ve gotta take steps. You’ve gotta be willing to change the way you live! The way you talk, maybe that’s one of those areas where you had to get real with God, and say "Help me to clean up the way I talk, help me not to cuss, or mouth off, or gossip!" The way you dress, maybe God needs to transform you and change what motivates the way you dress. Maybe He needs to adjust the way you interact with your parents. Maybe He needs to polish up your self-esteem and help you to realize that you’re one of His children and He loves you. But these changes don’t just happen on their own. You belong to God, yes, but taking the steps to become more like Him is your responsibility. This doesn’t mean you’re earning His love or salvation. This means you’re doing your part, to keep yourself close to Him, to keep your heart soft to His Word, to keep yourself out of the habits that you know He doesn’t want for you. This means spending time in His Word, talking to Him through prayer, hanging out with people who will encourage you to be more like Christ, and doing something about it when God lays it on your heart to change something.
A year later, we were back at the L.A. Marathon. This time I was running! I was one of those people who was so pumped to be there! I could talk to the other people there about running, about getting ready for the marathon...some of the people who weren’t running had run before, and they were so encouraging:) When it was time to run, I was ready. Now my goal wasn’t to win the race...my goal was to finish. The gun went off, and we all started running. I was so excited! That twenty-six point two miles was long though! It was tiring! The excitement didn’t wear off though:) See, there were people all along the marathon route, and they were cheering everyone on! Even the people they didn’t know! They’d be cheering, "Yeah! Go 374! You’re doin’ good! Keep running!...Alright! C’mon 127!! Good job!" I had encouragement the whole way! Oh, then there were booths with water and little snacks, along the route. Those were horrible! Some people would stop, and drink a water bottle and eat a little power bar or something, but I told myself I wasn’t gonna stop. Those booths were like...Satan or something! Tempting me around every bend! Oh and what was even worse! People who were running...they’d...quit!!! Don’t get me wrong, I was tired too, but...they’d gone, y’know, 18 miles, and just...quit! It was so discouraging! Especially when, around mile 20, I couldn’t feel my legs! I knew if I stopped, I’d just flop to the ground, cause my legs were numb! But I had to keep going - I had to finish! And y’know what? I did. I was one of those people who collapsed afterward, but I finished! It was one of the coolest feelings in the world. I’d somehow been able to resist the urge to stop along the way, or to quit altogether, and I’d finished...my first marathon.
Guys, running the race, walking the Christian walk...it’s a lot like that marathon! There are tons of us running together - some are faster, slower, stronger, more fatigued, more excited, more discouraged - but we’re all running together. Check this out: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1 This "great cloud of witnesses" refers to the "Heroes of the Faith" mentioned in chapter 11. Those are the people, who’ve run before, and are now on the sidelines, cheering us on! They’ve run their race, they’ve crossed the finish line, and now they’re right up there with God, praising Him for our successes, cheering us on in our efforts to live for Him!...With that in mind...let us throw off everything that hinders us...the donuts that slow us down, the sodas that give us false energy...the music that keeps our minds on the world, the friends who make us feel good until we realize that they’re getting us to do things that are wrong, the attitudes that keep us from focusing on Christ...let’s actively throw those things off, and..."Let us fix our eyes on Jesus..." (Hebrews 12:2) I wanna cross that finish line...even if I fall down at His feet and say, "Lord, that took every ounce of effort that I had in me"...I want to cross that finish line. I’m sure it will be, literally, the coolest thing I’ve ever done.

(Inspired by Krista, Father’s Eyes Conference 2008)

On that note...
I’m aiming for the 5K first...;)

Fascinating!

Have you ever read something, and then failed, for days, to get it out of your head? This is my state of mind since beginning "The Screwtape Letters". It is such an engenius work of literary art! Of course, that's a given...it's C.S. Lewis. Anyhow, I am about two thirds of the way through the book, and wish it were longer. It feels as if I've just started it! You know how that goes - the occasional "easy reading" book, whose pages seems to flip automatically and you're done before you know it! Why couldn't Lewis have lived longer, and written more! Not that I've read all his books, but I'm sure I can read them faster than he wrote them, and therefore will, before long, have read his entire works, and of course be wishing there were more. If any of you have not read "The Screwtape Letters" or any other book by C.S. Lewis ('Mere Christianity' is also an excellent book), you are definitely missing out. I'm sure you could buy one of his books for about the price of two lattes, and even if lattes must be skipped in order to do so, I guarantee it's worth it.
Anyhow...back to reading!:-D

My Cup of Tea

So...I have concluded that God likes tea...

Let me explain...

I'm sure most of you know that it is impossible to read any work of C.S. Lewis without finding some remarkable thought to marvel at, if not quote for years to come. I won't be quoting this one much after this blog, but only because it is far too long. This particular quote, from "The Screwtape Letters" is, of course, written from the perspective of Screwtape, a fairly experienced tempter in Satan's army. He is offering some constructive criticism to his nephew, who has slipped up, and allowed his 'patient' to have a moment alone with God... "And now for your blunders. On your own showing you first of all allowed the patient to read a book he really enjoyed, because he really enjoyed it and not in order to make clever remarks about it to his new friends. In the second place, you allowed him to walk down to the old mill and have tea there - a walk through the country he really likes, and taken alone. In other words you allowed him two real positive Pleasures! Were you so ignorant as not to see the danger of this? The characteristic of Pains and Pleasures is that they are unmistakable real, and therefore, as far as they go, give the man who feels them a touchstone of reality...Didn't you forsee that it would just kill by contrast all the trumpery which you have been so laboriously teaching him to value? And that the sort of pleasure which the book and the walk gave him was the most dangerous of all? That it would peel off from his sensibility the kind of crust you have been forming on it, and make him feel that he was coming home, recovering himself? As a preliminary to detaching him from the Enemy, you wanted to detach him from himself, and had made some progress in doing so. Now, all that is undone...Of course I know that the Enemy also wants to detach men from themselves, but in a different way. Remember always, that He really likes the little vermin, and sets an absurd value on the distinctness of every one of them. When He talks of their losing their selves, He only means abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever!...I would make it a rule to eradicate from my patient any strong personal taste which is not actually a sin, even if it is something quite trivial such as a fondness for country cricket or collecting stamps or drinking cocoa. Such things, I grant you, have nothing of virtue in them; but there is a sort of innocence and humility and self-forgetfulness about them which I distrust. The man who truly and disinterestedly enjoys any one thing in the world, for its own sake, and without caring two-pence what other people say about it, is by that very fact forearmed against some of our subtlest modes of attack."

Now, "The Screwtape Letters" is certainly not scripture. But I doubt that anyone would claim that C.S. Lewis' writings lack real wisdom! I have noticed this phenomena before - that is, the affect of a "real Pleasure," as Screwtape calls them. When we do something simple that we simply enjoy simply for the reason that we enjoy it, there is peace...an unconcsious smile...an opportunity for God to enter our minds on a positive note! Previously in Screwtapes letters, he had encouraged Wormwood to nudge his patient toward fake pleasures - mingling in circles he did not truly enjoy being in, pretending to enjoy and know all about that circle's enjoyments, and in doing so forgetting the things that he, himself, truly enjoyed! His purpose being that we slowly become the thing that we pretend to be! On the other hand, and much to Screwtape's dismay, when we allow ourselves to experience a real Pleasure (the real kind, not perversions of the originals), and because we each prefer one or two kinds of Pleasure over others, we are then allowed to experience something we thought we never stopped experiencing: being ourselves. The real me is the me that God loves, bumps and blunders and blonde moments and all. If for just a moment I allow myself to feel like myself, it is at that moment that I allow myself to feel loved by God!
Now, this is not to say that we should indulge in anything that we define as "pleasure" and expect to feel loved by God. There are what Screwtape wisely calls (yes, a demon can speak wisely, and easier so when he is simply a voice of C.S. Lewis;)), *ahem* what Screwtape wisely calls "real Pleasures"... "You were trying to damn your patient by the World, that is by palming off vanity, bustle, irony and expensive tedium as pleasures. How can you have failed to see that a real Pleasure was the last thing you ought to have let him meet?" You see the difference? Real pleasures are enjoyable things as God intended them to be. The pleasures that Screwtape and Wormwood and the like would prefer us to "enjoy" are really distorted versions of real pleasures. It is important to understand the difference. For example, a cup of tea can be a real pleasure. It can offer a moment of escape from the busy-ness and to-do's of the day. These are the moments when it is easiest for me to stop all the bustling, retreat back to being myself, and pause to feel loved by God. This would not be the case if I were to sit on the toilet drinking tea all the time! An excess of this little Pleasure of mine would not be a real pleasure at all. It would truly be hard to even pretend it to be so. I'm sure you can see how big the difference can be. On the other hand, the difference can be quite small. I doubt that I need to go on to explain small differences. You all posess a bit of discernment. The point is, whatever real pleasures you know of in your life, whether it be a cup of tea, a good book, a nice walk, a cozy corner to relax in...whatever activity allows you to be you, without the influence of others, is an opportunity for you to realize reality - especially the reality that you are you, just the way you are, and God loves you.

As for my conclusion that God likes tea...what I really mean is, God enjoys the simple pleasures that help us to step away from the distractions around us, and enjoy Him. For you, it might not be tea...but whatever it is, do take the time to find out:)

Anywho...time for a cup of tea...

My dear Wormwood,

If you do not know what 'The Screwtape Letters' are...

Wormwood: a junior tempter in Satan's army
Screwtape: Wormwoods uncle, an experienced tempter with much advice and many grand examples of keen tempting, for his nephew to learn from.
The Enemy: God
The patient: the human that Wormwood has been assigned to; Wormwood is to ensure his patient does not wander too close to the Enemy (God), or ever truly become one of His.

Wormwood's patient has previously converted to Christianity, but is now enduring his first "slump"...here we find Screwtape's advice for Wormwood...

My dear Wormwood,
Obviously you are making excellent progress. My only fear is lest in attempting to hurry the patient you awaken him to a sense of his real position. For you and I, who see that position as it really is, must never forget how totally different it ought to appear to him. We know that we have introduced a change of direction in his course which is already carrying him out of his orbit around the Enemy; but he must be made to imagine that all the choices which have affected this change of course are trivial and revocable. He must not be allowed to suspect that he is now, however slowly, heading right away from the sun on a line which will carry him into the cold and dark of utmost space.
For this reason I am almost glad to hear that he is still a churchgoer and a communicant. I know there are dangers in this; but anything is better than that he should realise the break he has made with the first months of his Christian life. As long as he retains externally the habits of a Christian he can still be made to think or himself as one who has adopted a few new friends and amusements but whose psiritual state is much the same as it was six weeks ago. And while he thinks that, we do not have to contend with the explicit repentance of a definite, fully recognised, sin, but only with his vague, though uneasy, feeling that he hasn't been doing very well lately.
This dim uneasiness needs careful handling. If it gets too strong it may wake him up and spoil the whole game. On the other hand, if you supress it entirely - which, by the by, the Enemy will probably not allow you to do - we lose an element in the situation which can be turned to good account. If such a feeling is allowed to live, but not alowed to become irresistible and flower into real repentance, it has one invaluable tendency. It increases the patient's reluctance to think about the Enemy. All humans at nearly all times have some such reluctance; but when thinking of Him involved facing and intensifying a whole vague cloud of half-conscious guilt, this reluctance is increased tenfold. They hate every idea that suggests Him, just as men in financial embarassment hate the very sight of a pass-book. In this state your patient will not omit, but he will increasingly dislike, his religious duties. He will think about them a little as he feels he decently can beforehand, and forget them as soon as possible when they are over. A few weeks ago you had to tempt him to unreality and inattention in his prayers: but not you will find him opening his arms to you and almost begging you to distract his purpose and benumb his heart. He will want his prayers to be unreal, for he will dread nothing so much as effective contact with the Enemy. His aim will be to let sleeping worms lie.
As this condition becomes more fully established, you will be gradually freed from the tiresome business of providing Pleasures as temptations. As the uneasiness and his reluctance to face it cut him off more and more from all real happiness, and as habit renders the pleasures of vanity and excitement and flippancy at once less pleasant and harder to forgo (for that is what habit fortunately does to a pleasure) you will find that anything or nothing is sufficient to attract his wandering attention. You no longer need a good book, which he realy likes, to keep him from his prayers or his work or his sleep; a column of advertisements in yesterday's paper will do. You can make him waste his time not only in conversations he enjoys with people whom he likes, but in conversations with those he cares nothing about on subjects that bore him. You can make him do nothing at all for long periods. You can keep him up late at night, not roistering, but staring at a dead fire in a cold room. All the healthy and out-going activities which we want him to avoid can be inhibited and given in return, so that at least he may say, as one of my own patients said on his arrival down here, 'I now see that I spent most of my life in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked.' The Christians describe the Enemy as one 'without whom Nothing is strong'. And Nothing is ery strong: strong enough to steal away a man's best years not in sweet sins but in dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows now why, in the gratification of curiousities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish, but which, once chance association has started them, the creature is too weak and fuddled to shake off.
You will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness. But do remember, the only thing that matters is the extent to which you separate the man from the Enemy. It does not matter how small the sins are provided that the cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into Nothing. Murder is no better than cards if cards will do the trick. Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts...

Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape

The Screwtape Letters
By C.S. Lewis

Hangin' In There...

That's pretty much what we're doing right now: just hangin' in there. I am still job hunting, but have had little to no luck. I'll admit, it's kind of hard not to get discouraged sometimes. At times it feels like we're doing everything right, and getting no results. Kyle is working as much as he can, I am job hunting like crazy, we're scrimping and saving, we're following every lead we can but seem to be getting nowhere. I guess that's not entirely true. I should be getting a small pay check for the two days that I did work. There was some delay in that, and I had to go out of my way to get paid at all, but we should be getting a check any day now. I never thought I'd be so glad to see $150. Anyway, this whole experience has been, well, a bit of a character building experience. I've amazed myself with my newly found grocery shopping skills. We normally spend about $60-$80 (depending on if we have to buy meat) a week on groceries, but these past 3-4 weeks, we have spent about $20-$30 on groceries each week! Kyle has had a great attitude about living off of peanut butter and jelly lunches, haha. Thanks to Auntie Kathy and Uncle Rich, we have had a good supply of meat for free:) One of the wedding gifts we received from them was a catalog of frozen meats of all kinds, fancy stuff too(!), and a gift card for any package out of the catalog:) We opted for a big package of non-fancy meat, and that has proven to be the most useful wedding gift we got! haha:) So thanks to them, our nutrition (at least our protein intake) has not suffered, lol. If only we could order a bit of morale to go with it. Don't get me wrong, we're not broke, suffering, or getting into debt of any kind. We're just...well, a little discouraged. When I lost my job, we didn't expect that it would take this long for me to find another one. Now we're wondering if I even will. Since we're planning on leaving the area in June or July, my chances of finding a good paying job get slimmer and slimmer the closer that draws. Most companies want long-term employees, and many temporary jobs don't pay anywhere near what I need to be making. Needless to say, this hunt can get a little frustrating. In the mean time, if anyone needs their house cleaned...*holds up windex*:-D

Picture Update!

Here are the "before" pics...

...and here is the after pic:)


I'll try to get a better picture soon, but you can get the idea from this one:)