Dear Diary,
Today I was given some news that, well...isn't so pleasant. Honestly, for some reason it hit me like a ton of bricks, though I'm not sure why. I've heard about the affects of second-hand sin, but I guess I didn't realize just how much it affected me until I tried it first hand. I don't sin all that often. I guess I'd say I'm a social sinner. I'm not dependent on it, so I thought I was okay. Now I'm told that I have, well, a tumor of sorts. I went in because something, I wasn't sure what, was causing all sorts of discomfort, particularly when I was at church. It got to the point where it kind of scared me, so I decided to go see a specialist. I told Him about what I was experiencing: constant discomfort, the painful lump in the pit of my stomach when Pastor teaches...He didn't even have to run any tests to tell me what it was. Classic symptoms, I guess, of a tumor on my conscience. I should consider myself lucky, I suppose...It's the most deadly type of cancer, but it's the one type of cancer whose treatment is guaranteed to work, if I'll consent to the treatment. I was surprised (to put it lightly) when He asked me if I wanted to go through treatment...He wanted to explain all the details of the treatment to me, because apparently a lot of people decline treatment, or start it and quit, because...well, I guess it can be painful, and a lot of work, and a huge change, and He said a lot of people fear pain, work, and change more than the risk, discomfort and certain death of denying treatment. I was amazed when He told me that millions of people have declined this treatment even though it's FREE! That, at first, completely blew my mind, but then I thought...what does this treatment entail? What will it do to me? It's guaranteed to get rid of the cancer, which is a miracle, because this type of cancer is known for its rapid growth. But...honestly, like everybody else, I'm not a huge fan of work or pain...and change is pretty intimidating. What will it change? He said everything. He let me consider it for awhile before I had to decide. The hard part was, I kind of had to decide on my own. Well, He said I could talk to people who had gone through the treatment if I wanted to, but He didn't recommend asking my friends if I should go through with it...apparently a lot of people who haven't actually been diagnosed and had to come to grips with the reality, don't realize that, as those who are in treatment would say, it's worth it. Anyway...I...I'm honestly scared to death but...He's the specialist, He's seen millions of cases like mine, and...I can tell He cares. I don't know Him all that well yet, but for some reason...I trust Him. So I'm going through with treatment. I'm not sure what it's going to be like, but He said it's worth every bit of it...so I believe Him. I guess I'll write more about it as I go...
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