Dear Diary,
It occurred to me today…I’m sure not acting like a cancer patient. I’ve known cancer patients, and their situation always made me feel scared for them; I’d want to be hopeful, but not foolish and in denial about the reality of their condition. On the other hand, I know more than one cancer survivor:) I guess I get to be one too now:) Wait…see what I mean? I’ve got one of the deadliest forms of cancer, yet all the hope and confidence in the world. My Specialist says these treatments are guaranteed, so…I guess I don’t just have hope. I have confidence. I’m awfully glad I don’t have to go through chemo…I hear that stuff is murder on your digestive system. Anyway, I can tell I’m a lot more optimistic and confident about my condition, since seeing my Specialist.
This coming Monday I’m gonna have to go back to school though. Summer classes start, and I can’t miss that. Audrey and I are taking summer classes so we can get done with junior college sooner and get out of here!;) I’m definitely ready to go back to school. Audrey’s family went on vacation between semesters, so I’m ready to have my best friend back.
Anyway, I met with my Specialist again this morning, and we talked about David, the guy He told me about yesterday. David wrote a lot of songs. I guess he was better with songs and poetry than just talking or something, cause he wrote songs about his experiences, and gave them to my Specialist, back when he was a patient. We read part of the same one as yesterday. David said, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.”* David had screwed up pretty bad, and his conscience was giving him some serious trouble. He needed our specialist to remind him about the hope and confidence that He had given David; he needed the sins off his chest, and the joy back in his heart. Even when his conscience was in good shape, he needed the Specialist’s help. That made me feel a little better about going through treatment for the rest of my life. David needed help too. And…I think he felt kind of like I did a few days ago…how I said I felt like I could talk to my Specialist any time and He would be there to help me. David needed help, even after years with a healthy conscience. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so dumb talking to my Specialist when I need help. Another thing I found interesting was when David wrote about telling other sinners about the Specialist. I asked my Specialist how David could tell who else was sick and needed treatments. He said, “It’s pretty easy…everyone has it. Everyone needs treatment. Everyone needs help, and if they don’t realize it, or are told about it, they’ll just try to placate the pain with things that never work.” That’s really sad :( I’d hate to think of my parents, or Audrey trying to get rid of the pain in their conscience with all sorts of hopeless methods. When I told my Specialist this, He told me not to worry too much about my parents…they’ve been coming for treatments for years! Apparently they don’t come daily but they try, and their consciences are healthy. He said check-ups are better than nothing, but that it couldn’t hurt to encourage them to come daily. I guess Audrey isn’t one of His patients yet…maybe I should tell her about Him. I don’t know though…I’m not exactly the conscience-tumor expert yet, so I’m not sure what to tell her…I’ll just be glad to see her on Monday though! Maybe it’ll come up in regular conversation:) I’ll have to tell her what I did while she was on vacation anyway!
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