Upgrade and Jury Duty

Well, we received our stimulus package money from the government, and though we think it was a somewhat silly thing for the government to do, we accepted it, and Kyle was able to get his long awaited computer upgrade:) Friday after he got off school, we drove to Fry's Electronics, and he wandered the isles wide-eyed like a kid in a candy store...Well, okay, so not really, but I'm sure if he had a little less restraint, he would have. If you've seen Kyle's "cookie face" I'm sure you get the idea. Anyhow, he carefully selected a few new computer parts, and...Well, we were on our way to Lancaster, so he anxiously waited all weekend before he was able to put the new parts in his computer. Poor guy, lol. Sunday night when we drove back to LA, he immediately pulled out his computer case and began what seemed like surgically removing computer pieces, lol. I don't know what on earth half of them do, but he knew what he was doing, so I sat back and watched, compressed air can in hand. That was my job...air dusting. In the end, to be honest, I can't tell that the upgrade did anything at all to his computer, but apparently now it can run computer games that it previously would have had some major struggles with. Kyle can see the difference, whatever it is, and he is excited, so I'm glad:) It's a good thing we only have a studio apartment right now, because I'm sure that if he had a computer room, I would never see him again, lol. Okay, not really;) Anyway, that has been the highlight of his week:)
The highlight of my week...or perhaps the low-light, I'm not sure which...was *sigh* jury duty. I've never been summoned for jury duty before, so this was a whole new experience to me. Or so I thought. Driving to the courthouse and finding the place was new. Waiting all day was...well, it was kind of like I imagine going to the dentist for a root canal is...you wait in a stuffy waiting room, waiting for the fateful moment they call your name and send you to your doom...At least that's what everyone there made it seem like at first. I began to wonder if jury duty was run by the devil himself, the way most of the people there talked about it. After awhile though, I actually kind of enjoyed it. Everybody there was "suffering" through the same thing, so people ended up being far more friendly to each other than I imagine they would be if they met, say, on the freeway, or in a crowded grocery store. From about 7:45 a.m. onward, I waited and waited and waited and waited and...well, waited some more. Pretty soon, complete strangers were conversing jovially, many using humor as their means of surviving the day. Around 11:00, they called out names for the first panel of people. My name wasn't called. About 11:45 they called for another panel. My name wasn't called. About noon, they let us go for lunch. The only food nearby that didn't require cash (which I had none of), was Starbucks, so I reluctantly gave them a bit of traitorious (new word?) business, and went back to the jury pooling room. At this point I had probably written about four pages of a letter to my pen-pal. When I got back, I waited and wrote some more...and some more...Around 2:00 they called another panel. My name wasn't called. I waited some more. Around 3:00 they called another panel. My name wasn't called. After calling that panel, there was only me and two other people in the room. I was pretty sure they were not going to call a panel of three...They noticed there were still people waiting and said, "That should have been everyone. If your name has not been called, come to the window, and we'll figure out where you should go." The three of us went to the window. They scanned our juror badges and told us to join the last group. Gee, that was difficult:-p lol. We joined the next group and waited outside the court room. Me and the other lady who hadn't been called to panel ended up talking with a few other ladies while we waited. One of them was hilariously obnoxiously funny, and I wasn't sure if I wanted her to stick around so I could laugh at her, or to leave so I didn't have to listen to her, lol. But the five of us at least passed the time together. Around 3:40, a lady stepped out of the court room and said, "Our case has been settled, so you are not needed. Return to the jury pooling room for further instructions." When we got back to the jury pooling room, they told us we were done for the day, which meant that we were done for the year. I'd started out with mixed feelings about jury duty. Part of me didn't want to be assigned a case, and hoped I would be excused or not wanted, or apparently biased or something. Part of me thought it would at least be interesting, and/or a learning experience to actually be a part of a jury. Part of me wanted to get out of it so that it didn't interfere with our plans for the next weeks. Part of me wanted to do it, so that I had something to do! In the end, I figured it was a win win situation, and I would be fine with whatever happened. So of course, in the end I was fine with not having to come back! It was kind of a bummer to have wasted a day waiting, and it's kind of disappointing to meet neat people and leave knowing I'll probably never see them again...but it was...and interesting boring day, if that makes any sense. In the end, I got an excuse to sit around doing nothing all day, Holly will get a book sized letter, and I drew a rough sketch of a squirrel...I'll claim that it wasn't a complete waste of a day...even though it pretty much was.
Anyhow...here are a few pictures of Kyle and "his baby" as his mom and I call it;)

Update / A Fun Weekend :)

Wow, I'm really slacking on this blogging thing...time for another update!
Well, we're in the middle of Kyle's last quarter at UCLA. In June, he will officially be a UCLA Alumni (alumn? alumnus? alumni??)! We're very excited for him to finish school:) On the other hand, he'll be back to the grindstone, working on his masters degree and teaching credential this fall. So, in June we'll be moving back to Lancaster, so that Kyle can go to the Cal State Bakersfield extension. We're heading into a time of transition, which will mean a lot of packing and cleaning and planning and changing plans, but we're excited about it:) In the meantime, Kyle's working hard on school and bringing home the bacon (well, the pay checks and coffee;). I am currently still job hunting, but God has been providing for us in some creative and exciting ways, and we are doing alright financially.
One thing that being jobless has not interfered with is our ability to have fun:) This past weekend we drove up to Lancaster to visit our parents and get out of the city. Friday was a beautiful day and we spent the afternoon washing cars and playing with Sadie, Kyle's parent's yellow lab:) Saturday continued in the lovely weather pattern, so we took advantage of it! Kyle's parents are considering getting another dog, so we all went down to the animal shelter to see if there were any good options to adopt. I have to admit, the animal shelter is a kind of sobering place, but we did find a couple of really sweet dogs there. Unfortunately neither of them could be adopted immediately, but if they are still there, hopefully one will be coming home with Kyle's family soon:)
After visiting the animal shelter, we all went to see the movie/documentary "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed". It was really interesting, and I'd definitely recommend it to anyone who is interested in science, education, intelligent design, or just anyone who's willing to think:)

The weather continued on beautifully, so of course we had to continue taking advantage of it. So, Kyle and I drove out to the A.V. Poppy Reserve just outside of town. The hills out to the west of Lancaster were just rolling with the orange brilliance of wild poppies:) It was really beautiful, and from what I hear, there were even MORE poppies a few weeks ago! But there were plenty of poppies to enjoy:) We hiked one of the loops, and took pictures of poppies, bugs, lizards, other plants, each other...anything that looked interesting! It was great to get out and enjoy nature:) Living in the middle of Los Angeles, we don't get to do that very often, so it was a big treat:) Here are some pictures from the Poppy Reserve:)

Updates...

Wow, I didn't realize it'd been so long since I'd blogged! I guess it's time for an update, isn't it? Well, we're still here in LA, and are still very much ready to get out. I'm still job hunting, with a somewhat discouraging lack of results. Kyle is getting back to the grindstone, working on his last quarter at UCLA. We're excited for him to graduate:) Financially, by God's grace, we're doing just fine. Our tax returns, unemployment, and Kyle's paychecks have kept us afloat. We have actually been able to have a little bit of fun lately. A few weeks ago, we went for a short hike up in the San Gabriel Mountains, with my parents. A week later, Kyle's brother, Cory, came home from being stationed in Florida, and we were able to spend some time with Kyle's whole family, which was a nice treat:) We have made several trips to Santa Monica recently, and each time we have not been able to resist going into 'Recreation Equipment Inc.' (REI), a outdoorsy type sporting goods store. It's a camper's paradise. Well...it's a RICH camper's pardise. It's a poor camper's torture chamber. Haha. See, we're poor campers, so all we can really do is go in there and drool all over the beautiful backpacking packs, tents, hiking boots, topo maps, rock-climbing gear, camping stoves, CamelBacks.....*sigh* It's fun though, even though we couldn't possibly afford any gear right now:) Last trip, I found a pack which, eventually, I'd like to buy. No rush though. After all, we ARE kind of stuck in LA most of the time, lol. But hopefully before long, we'll move to Lancaster, I'll get a job, and we'll be able to take a couple of weekend trips up into the mountains. Borrowed gear will work for the time being;) As long as we get some good ol' fashioned camping in, I'll be thrilled!:) The mountains have been calling me, so answering the call is more important to me than buying a fancy new pack. But maybe someday...;)
This past weekend, our friend Eryn came down from Oregon for a pastor's conference, and we were able to visit with her for the weekend before the conference:) It was neat getting to spend some time with her:) We've all been friends for years, but rarely actually get to see each other, so having her for the weekend was a treat:)
Now, however, we're pretty much fallen back into our routine of school, job hunting, cooking, cleaning, sleeping, school, job hunting...But June is approaching, and we are excitedly awaiting Kyle's graduation from college, and our "graduation" from living in Los Angeles :D

"...let us run..."

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

If you’ve been in church for any length of time, chances are that you’ve heard the Christian "walk" compared to running a race. It’s a sort of classic. This past weekend, at the Father’s Eyes Conference, I heard the same analogy used in a different light. Krista, the speaker (she’s GREAT), very nicely compared coming to Christ with training for a race. You see the neat little correlation there?:) She painted such a neat picture, that I just had to share it with you. I’m going write what she said as if I’m saying it though...it’s easier than all the "she said, and then she was like," and so on. But, unfortunately, I can’t take credit for it, lol...

Anyway...so a few years back, I went with my husband to the L.A. Marathon. He’s much more athletic than me, and he’d decided he was going to do it. So of course I was there to cheer him on:) When we got there, it was so cool! Everyone there was so pumped up to be there! It was like...all these people, who don’t even know each other personally or anything, were all there for the same purpose! And that one thing that they had in common made everyone so friendly, and nice, and accepting of each other. Because they all agreed on everything? No, cause they were all runners! It was really cool:) Anyhow, I positioned myself near the finish line, so that I could get a good shot of Kyle crossing the finish line. The cool part was, I got to see everyone cross the finish line:) It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever watched. Every single one of those people...you could tell, by the way they crossed the finish line, why they ran the race. Some of them ran strong, all the way up to the finish line and collapsed! You could tell that marathon took every ounce of energy they had in them, but they gave it all. It was a real test of determination and self will. Some of them "ran" across the finish line as if they were about to die. It was like they weren’t sure they were ever going to make it all the way, and then saw the finish line, and had to force themselves just to finish! It was their first marathon, and the goal was just to do it. Some of them ran across the finish line, pumping their arms over their heads, with big triumphant grins spread across their faces. They’d done it before, and knew they could do it, but came again year after year, to prove that they were still in the game. It was, by far, the coolest thing I’ve watched. After watching that marathon, I knew, somehow, I was gonna run next year. I decided...that was something I wanted to be a part of. But...just wanting to be a part of it wasn’t going to be enough. There were definitely some steps that I had to take in order to get there. It’s the same way with coming to Christ. You can go to your friend’s youth group, and realize that it’s something you want to be a part of, but there are steps you have to take in order to really become a follower of Christ.
First off, you have to make a decision. I decided that I was going to run the L.A. Marathon in one year. If I’d just thought, "That’d be cool, maybe I’ll join in next time ’round," I can guarantee that the next year, I’d just be taking pictures again. I had to make a real, concious decision that running that marathon was something I was determined to do, and that it was worth taking the next step to do. If you’re checking out Christianity, and thinking, "Yeah, it’d be cool to be a ’christian’...maybe I’ll go to church next week if I feel like it." I can almost guarantee that you’re not going to stay with it - and that makes a huge difference. You need to decide, with all your heart, mind, and will, that you believe in what Jesus did for you, and you want to follow Him.
Secondly, you have to get real! When I decided I was going to run that marathon, I was not ready to actually run it. I knew this. I knew I was going from running maybe once a week...or...at least walking once a week, to running twenty-six point two miles! Now, I don’t know why they throw the "point two!" in there, as if twenty-six miles isn’t enough, but it kind of made it that much more challenging just to think about. Anyway, I’d decided I was going to do this. So I went out and bought a cute running outfit to motivate myself - I’m not a runner, but hey, I can look the part anyway;) So the next Monday, I went out to see what I could do. *hangs head in shame* I couldn’t even run a half a mile without stopping! Seriously, half a mile from home, I was sitting on the curb thinking, "there is no way I’m ever gonna be able to run twenty-six point two miles!" *sigh* I had a ton of work to do. I was nowhere near my goal. Now, I could’ve gone home and lied to my husband and said, "Psh, that first mile was easy! I’ve got a year to train for this? This is gonna be a cinch!"...or I could get real, and walk in the house with my head hung in shame, and say, "...Honey I stink! I can’t even run a half mile! You’ve done this before. Train me, please!!" Well, it didn’t feel great to say it, but if I was gonna run that race next year...I needed his help. So I asked for it.
Coming to Christ, just like my pathetic first attempt at running, is not something you can fake. You gotta come straight to the throne of God, with all your weaknesses - He knows about ’em all anyway, so why act like you’ve got this whole Christian gig in the bag? You have to get real with God. My husband knew I wasn’t prepared to run that race, so he didn’t think I was silly to admit I needed his help, and he was willing to train me. God knows where you really stand, and He doesn’t expect you to have it altogether! And the awesome part is, He’s willing to train you. But first, you gotta get real with Him. Tell Him about your weaknesses, the baggage you’re carrying, the stuff you’ve done that you’re ashamed of, the attitudes you have that you know you shouldn’t...get real with Him, and let Him see all the areas where you need Him most - it’s mandatory if you ever expect to see growth and change.
Thirdly...you gotta start the transformation. For me to get ready for that marathon...it wasn’t enough to decide to run it, and then realize that I couldn’t! I had to take steps, I had to make changes. I had to change the way I ran, to get the most out of my efforts. I had to change the way I ate, to get rid of the junk that would just slow me down. I had to change the way I looked at pain, because pushing myself did not mean avoiding aching muscles, side stitches, and breaking a sweat. When you decide to follow Christ, and you get real with God and ask Him to train you, to prepare you for what following Him really takes...you’ve gotta take steps. You’ve gotta be willing to change the way you live! The way you talk, maybe that’s one of those areas where you had to get real with God, and say "Help me to clean up the way I talk, help me not to cuss, or mouth off, or gossip!" The way you dress, maybe God needs to transform you and change what motivates the way you dress. Maybe He needs to adjust the way you interact with your parents. Maybe He needs to polish up your self-esteem and help you to realize that you’re one of His children and He loves you. But these changes don’t just happen on their own. You belong to God, yes, but taking the steps to become more like Him is your responsibility. This doesn’t mean you’re earning His love or salvation. This means you’re doing your part, to keep yourself close to Him, to keep your heart soft to His Word, to keep yourself out of the habits that you know He doesn’t want for you. This means spending time in His Word, talking to Him through prayer, hanging out with people who will encourage you to be more like Christ, and doing something about it when God lays it on your heart to change something.
A year later, we were back at the L.A. Marathon. This time I was running! I was one of those people who was so pumped to be there! I could talk to the other people there about running, about getting ready for the marathon...some of the people who weren’t running had run before, and they were so encouraging:) When it was time to run, I was ready. Now my goal wasn’t to win the race...my goal was to finish. The gun went off, and we all started running. I was so excited! That twenty-six point two miles was long though! It was tiring! The excitement didn’t wear off though:) See, there were people all along the marathon route, and they were cheering everyone on! Even the people they didn’t know! They’d be cheering, "Yeah! Go 374! You’re doin’ good! Keep running!...Alright! C’mon 127!! Good job!" I had encouragement the whole way! Oh, then there were booths with water and little snacks, along the route. Those were horrible! Some people would stop, and drink a water bottle and eat a little power bar or something, but I told myself I wasn’t gonna stop. Those booths were like...Satan or something! Tempting me around every bend! Oh and what was even worse! People who were running...they’d...quit!!! Don’t get me wrong, I was tired too, but...they’d gone, y’know, 18 miles, and just...quit! It was so discouraging! Especially when, around mile 20, I couldn’t feel my legs! I knew if I stopped, I’d just flop to the ground, cause my legs were numb! But I had to keep going - I had to finish! And y’know what? I did. I was one of those people who collapsed afterward, but I finished! It was one of the coolest feelings in the world. I’d somehow been able to resist the urge to stop along the way, or to quit altogether, and I’d finished...my first marathon.
Guys, running the race, walking the Christian walk...it’s a lot like that marathon! There are tons of us running together - some are faster, slower, stronger, more fatigued, more excited, more discouraged - but we’re all running together. Check this out: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1 This "great cloud of witnesses" refers to the "Heroes of the Faith" mentioned in chapter 11. Those are the people, who’ve run before, and are now on the sidelines, cheering us on! They’ve run their race, they’ve crossed the finish line, and now they’re right up there with God, praising Him for our successes, cheering us on in our efforts to live for Him!...With that in mind...let us throw off everything that hinders us...the donuts that slow us down, the sodas that give us false energy...the music that keeps our minds on the world, the friends who make us feel good until we realize that they’re getting us to do things that are wrong, the attitudes that keep us from focusing on Christ...let’s actively throw those things off, and..."Let us fix our eyes on Jesus..." (Hebrews 12:2) I wanna cross that finish line...even if I fall down at His feet and say, "Lord, that took every ounce of effort that I had in me"...I want to cross that finish line. I’m sure it will be, literally, the coolest thing I’ve ever done.

(Inspired by Krista, Father’s Eyes Conference 2008)

On that note...
I’m aiming for the 5K first...;)

Fascinating!

Have you ever read something, and then failed, for days, to get it out of your head? This is my state of mind since beginning "The Screwtape Letters". It is such an engenius work of literary art! Of course, that's a given...it's C.S. Lewis. Anyhow, I am about two thirds of the way through the book, and wish it were longer. It feels as if I've just started it! You know how that goes - the occasional "easy reading" book, whose pages seems to flip automatically and you're done before you know it! Why couldn't Lewis have lived longer, and written more! Not that I've read all his books, but I'm sure I can read them faster than he wrote them, and therefore will, before long, have read his entire works, and of course be wishing there were more. If any of you have not read "The Screwtape Letters" or any other book by C.S. Lewis ('Mere Christianity' is also an excellent book), you are definitely missing out. I'm sure you could buy one of his books for about the price of two lattes, and even if lattes must be skipped in order to do so, I guarantee it's worth it.
Anyhow...back to reading!:-D

My Cup of Tea

So...I have concluded that God likes tea...

Let me explain...

I'm sure most of you know that it is impossible to read any work of C.S. Lewis without finding some remarkable thought to marvel at, if not quote for years to come. I won't be quoting this one much after this blog, but only because it is far too long. This particular quote, from "The Screwtape Letters" is, of course, written from the perspective of Screwtape, a fairly experienced tempter in Satan's army. He is offering some constructive criticism to his nephew, who has slipped up, and allowed his 'patient' to have a moment alone with God... "And now for your blunders. On your own showing you first of all allowed the patient to read a book he really enjoyed, because he really enjoyed it and not in order to make clever remarks about it to his new friends. In the second place, you allowed him to walk down to the old mill and have tea there - a walk through the country he really likes, and taken alone. In other words you allowed him two real positive Pleasures! Were you so ignorant as not to see the danger of this? The characteristic of Pains and Pleasures is that they are unmistakable real, and therefore, as far as they go, give the man who feels them a touchstone of reality...Didn't you forsee that it would just kill by contrast all the trumpery which you have been so laboriously teaching him to value? And that the sort of pleasure which the book and the walk gave him was the most dangerous of all? That it would peel off from his sensibility the kind of crust you have been forming on it, and make him feel that he was coming home, recovering himself? As a preliminary to detaching him from the Enemy, you wanted to detach him from himself, and had made some progress in doing so. Now, all that is undone...Of course I know that the Enemy also wants to detach men from themselves, but in a different way. Remember always, that He really likes the little vermin, and sets an absurd value on the distinctness of every one of them. When He talks of their losing their selves, He only means abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever!...I would make it a rule to eradicate from my patient any strong personal taste which is not actually a sin, even if it is something quite trivial such as a fondness for country cricket or collecting stamps or drinking cocoa. Such things, I grant you, have nothing of virtue in them; but there is a sort of innocence and humility and self-forgetfulness about them which I distrust. The man who truly and disinterestedly enjoys any one thing in the world, for its own sake, and without caring two-pence what other people say about it, is by that very fact forearmed against some of our subtlest modes of attack."

Now, "The Screwtape Letters" is certainly not scripture. But I doubt that anyone would claim that C.S. Lewis' writings lack real wisdom! I have noticed this phenomena before - that is, the affect of a "real Pleasure," as Screwtape calls them. When we do something simple that we simply enjoy simply for the reason that we enjoy it, there is peace...an unconcsious smile...an opportunity for God to enter our minds on a positive note! Previously in Screwtapes letters, he had encouraged Wormwood to nudge his patient toward fake pleasures - mingling in circles he did not truly enjoy being in, pretending to enjoy and know all about that circle's enjoyments, and in doing so forgetting the things that he, himself, truly enjoyed! His purpose being that we slowly become the thing that we pretend to be! On the other hand, and much to Screwtape's dismay, when we allow ourselves to experience a real Pleasure (the real kind, not perversions of the originals), and because we each prefer one or two kinds of Pleasure over others, we are then allowed to experience something we thought we never stopped experiencing: being ourselves. The real me is the me that God loves, bumps and blunders and blonde moments and all. If for just a moment I allow myself to feel like myself, it is at that moment that I allow myself to feel loved by God!
Now, this is not to say that we should indulge in anything that we define as "pleasure" and expect to feel loved by God. There are what Screwtape wisely calls (yes, a demon can speak wisely, and easier so when he is simply a voice of C.S. Lewis;)), *ahem* what Screwtape wisely calls "real Pleasures"... "You were trying to damn your patient by the World, that is by palming off vanity, bustle, irony and expensive tedium as pleasures. How can you have failed to see that a real Pleasure was the last thing you ought to have let him meet?" You see the difference? Real pleasures are enjoyable things as God intended them to be. The pleasures that Screwtape and Wormwood and the like would prefer us to "enjoy" are really distorted versions of real pleasures. It is important to understand the difference. For example, a cup of tea can be a real pleasure. It can offer a moment of escape from the busy-ness and to-do's of the day. These are the moments when it is easiest for me to stop all the bustling, retreat back to being myself, and pause to feel loved by God. This would not be the case if I were to sit on the toilet drinking tea all the time! An excess of this little Pleasure of mine would not be a real pleasure at all. It would truly be hard to even pretend it to be so. I'm sure you can see how big the difference can be. On the other hand, the difference can be quite small. I doubt that I need to go on to explain small differences. You all posess a bit of discernment. The point is, whatever real pleasures you know of in your life, whether it be a cup of tea, a good book, a nice walk, a cozy corner to relax in...whatever activity allows you to be you, without the influence of others, is an opportunity for you to realize reality - especially the reality that you are you, just the way you are, and God loves you.

As for my conclusion that God likes tea...what I really mean is, God enjoys the simple pleasures that help us to step away from the distractions around us, and enjoy Him. For you, it might not be tea...but whatever it is, do take the time to find out:)

Anywho...time for a cup of tea...

My dear Wormwood,

If you do not know what 'The Screwtape Letters' are...

Wormwood: a junior tempter in Satan's army
Screwtape: Wormwoods uncle, an experienced tempter with much advice and many grand examples of keen tempting, for his nephew to learn from.
The Enemy: God
The patient: the human that Wormwood has been assigned to; Wormwood is to ensure his patient does not wander too close to the Enemy (God), or ever truly become one of His.

Wormwood's patient has previously converted to Christianity, but is now enduring his first "slump"...here we find Screwtape's advice for Wormwood...

My dear Wormwood,
Obviously you are making excellent progress. My only fear is lest in attempting to hurry the patient you awaken him to a sense of his real position. For you and I, who see that position as it really is, must never forget how totally different it ought to appear to him. We know that we have introduced a change of direction in his course which is already carrying him out of his orbit around the Enemy; but he must be made to imagine that all the choices which have affected this change of course are trivial and revocable. He must not be allowed to suspect that he is now, however slowly, heading right away from the sun on a line which will carry him into the cold and dark of utmost space.
For this reason I am almost glad to hear that he is still a churchgoer and a communicant. I know there are dangers in this; but anything is better than that he should realise the break he has made with the first months of his Christian life. As long as he retains externally the habits of a Christian he can still be made to think or himself as one who has adopted a few new friends and amusements but whose psiritual state is much the same as it was six weeks ago. And while he thinks that, we do not have to contend with the explicit repentance of a definite, fully recognised, sin, but only with his vague, though uneasy, feeling that he hasn't been doing very well lately.
This dim uneasiness needs careful handling. If it gets too strong it may wake him up and spoil the whole game. On the other hand, if you supress it entirely - which, by the by, the Enemy will probably not allow you to do - we lose an element in the situation which can be turned to good account. If such a feeling is allowed to live, but not alowed to become irresistible and flower into real repentance, it has one invaluable tendency. It increases the patient's reluctance to think about the Enemy. All humans at nearly all times have some such reluctance; but when thinking of Him involved facing and intensifying a whole vague cloud of half-conscious guilt, this reluctance is increased tenfold. They hate every idea that suggests Him, just as men in financial embarassment hate the very sight of a pass-book. In this state your patient will not omit, but he will increasingly dislike, his religious duties. He will think about them a little as he feels he decently can beforehand, and forget them as soon as possible when they are over. A few weeks ago you had to tempt him to unreality and inattention in his prayers: but not you will find him opening his arms to you and almost begging you to distract his purpose and benumb his heart. He will want his prayers to be unreal, for he will dread nothing so much as effective contact with the Enemy. His aim will be to let sleeping worms lie.
As this condition becomes more fully established, you will be gradually freed from the tiresome business of providing Pleasures as temptations. As the uneasiness and his reluctance to face it cut him off more and more from all real happiness, and as habit renders the pleasures of vanity and excitement and flippancy at once less pleasant and harder to forgo (for that is what habit fortunately does to a pleasure) you will find that anything or nothing is sufficient to attract his wandering attention. You no longer need a good book, which he realy likes, to keep him from his prayers or his work or his sleep; a column of advertisements in yesterday's paper will do. You can make him waste his time not only in conversations he enjoys with people whom he likes, but in conversations with those he cares nothing about on subjects that bore him. You can make him do nothing at all for long periods. You can keep him up late at night, not roistering, but staring at a dead fire in a cold room. All the healthy and out-going activities which we want him to avoid can be inhibited and given in return, so that at least he may say, as one of my own patients said on his arrival down here, 'I now see that I spent most of my life in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked.' The Christians describe the Enemy as one 'without whom Nothing is strong'. And Nothing is ery strong: strong enough to steal away a man's best years not in sweet sins but in dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows now why, in the gratification of curiousities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish, but which, once chance association has started them, the creature is too weak and fuddled to shake off.
You will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness. But do remember, the only thing that matters is the extent to which you separate the man from the Enemy. It does not matter how small the sins are provided that the cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into Nothing. Murder is no better than cards if cards will do the trick. Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts...

Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape

The Screwtape Letters
By C.S. Lewis

Hangin' In There...

That's pretty much what we're doing right now: just hangin' in there. I am still job hunting, but have had little to no luck. I'll admit, it's kind of hard not to get discouraged sometimes. At times it feels like we're doing everything right, and getting no results. Kyle is working as much as he can, I am job hunting like crazy, we're scrimping and saving, we're following every lead we can but seem to be getting nowhere. I guess that's not entirely true. I should be getting a small pay check for the two days that I did work. There was some delay in that, and I had to go out of my way to get paid at all, but we should be getting a check any day now. I never thought I'd be so glad to see $150. Anyway, this whole experience has been, well, a bit of a character building experience. I've amazed myself with my newly found grocery shopping skills. We normally spend about $60-$80 (depending on if we have to buy meat) a week on groceries, but these past 3-4 weeks, we have spent about $20-$30 on groceries each week! Kyle has had a great attitude about living off of peanut butter and jelly lunches, haha. Thanks to Auntie Kathy and Uncle Rich, we have had a good supply of meat for free:) One of the wedding gifts we received from them was a catalog of frozen meats of all kinds, fancy stuff too(!), and a gift card for any package out of the catalog:) We opted for a big package of non-fancy meat, and that has proven to be the most useful wedding gift we got! haha:) So thanks to them, our nutrition (at least our protein intake) has not suffered, lol. If only we could order a bit of morale to go with it. Don't get me wrong, we're not broke, suffering, or getting into debt of any kind. We're just...well, a little discouraged. When I lost my job, we didn't expect that it would take this long for me to find another one. Now we're wondering if I even will. Since we're planning on leaving the area in June or July, my chances of finding a good paying job get slimmer and slimmer the closer that draws. Most companies want long-term employees, and many temporary jobs don't pay anywhere near what I need to be making. Needless to say, this hunt can get a little frustrating. In the mean time, if anyone needs their house cleaned...*holds up windex*:-D

Picture Update!

Here are the "before" pics...

...and here is the after pic:)


I'll try to get a better picture soon, but you can get the idea from this one:)

My 101 Update

This post is in reference to my post awhile back about 101 goals I'd like to achieve, or at least make progress on as some of them are a process, within 1001 days. So far, I'm not doing too bad:)
(1) I am finally OFF birth control. Those nasty little pills were too much for me...
(2) I've started a "Body Binder" to keep track of (a)my basal body temperature, and (b)what I eat!
(3) I've made it through a couple of grocery shopping trips now, without buying anything extra!
(4) This one is a process, but...I'm getting better at communicating my feelings to Kyle, before stewing about them for a long time. And he, as always, has been more patient and understanding than I could ever ask him to be.
(5) I've scratched "Learn to ignore pregnancy symptoms" off the list because (a)since getting off birth control, I haven't had pregnancy symptoms, and (b)if I do start getting pregnancy symptoms, I should probably not ignore them, haha.
(6) I am scratching "cut my hair short again" off the list because I am going to do that this weekend!:)
(7) We made chocolate dipped strawberries for Valentine's Day:)
(8) I've been getting better about eating my vegetables with a good attitude. I don't think I'll ever like them, but...I suppose I can tolerate them.
(9) And lastly (for now), I've begun to understand politics quite a bit more lately. With the elections going on, I can't really avoid hearing about them! And hearing about them regularly, I've started to catch on to the lingo, who's who, and so on. I don't think I'll ever really be "into" politics, but I feel a little bit more qualified to vote intelligently now:)

That's it for now:) Hopefully I'll have more to check off the list soon:)

Job Hunt Update - Perhaps A Change of Scene?

Well, I suppose it's about time I updated you all on the job hunt:) To make a long story short, things fell through with the job I previously blogged about, and I am still hunting. I have recently started broadening my job search criteria. See, I have been told that, based on my resume, "my field" is...well...the front desk. However, while job hunting, numerous people have commented that most of my experience is in working with children. This morning it occurred to me that I don't even have all of my child-care experience on my resume! I only included the experience where I was formally employed! Come to find out, many listings posted by people seeking childcare also accept experience such as church ministries, camp counseling, etc.! Now, I love working with kids. I wouldn't say I'm an expert - I'm not a mom yet, so I won't try to claim to be an expert, haha. But I have spent two school years as a part-time, unpaid teacher's aide. I have worked for a day care. I have been involved in non-profit children's ministries. I've been a camp counselor. I've taught sunday school, been an AWANA leader, and been involved in children's musical programs. I've worked in the church nursery. Why am I not building on that?! I love working with kids! Why am I hunting for a job behind a front desk?? SO...while I'm still keeping the front-desk option open, I've started searching for job listing that are more kid-oriented. I've applied for a job as a full-time teacher's assistant at a preschool, and one as a full-time nanny. I'm really hoping to hear back from either or both of them. The tough part is that I don't have any child-care or children's education training, as in college units in that field. I'm really hoping that somebody out there (an individual, or private organization) will at least give me a chance...

Anyway...please continue to keep us in your prayers. We're still doing okay financially, but we can only go for so long without a steady income! Pray that a good opportunity comes along soon:) Thanks everyone!

Valentine's Day :)

Due to the fact that Valentine's Day is on a weekday this year, Kyle and I decided, again, that we would celebrate Valentine's Day the weekend before Valentine's Day. So yesterday was Valentine's Day for us:) It was a nice day, so we decided to go to a park up in north Hollywood. Unfortunately, there was a run going on there, and we couldn't get in. We tried to go to another park we saw on the map that was nearby, but it turned out to be someone's private property - a big garden/park by a mansion. I'm not sure why it was on the map...anyway, so we ended up coming back home. Activity attempt #1: failed.
As a surprise for Kyle, I'd planned for us to make chocolate dipped strawberries sometime in the afternoon. So around 2:00, I started melting the chocolate. I'm not sure what I did wrong, but it ended up more like clay than melted chocolate. I'm sure I could've sculpted a sizable creation out of it, if I wanted to. Needless to say, it wasn't a very dip-able consistency. Activity attempt #2: failed.
Then Kyle, having figured out that chocolate dipped strawberries were supposed to be part of the plan, decided he actually wanted chocolate dipped strawberries, so we went to the store and bought some more chocolate to try and melt. This time it was successful, and we dipped our strawberries:) They turned out very nice:)
After dipping out strawberries and putting them in the refrigerator to cool, Kyle started fixing dinner. That's right - Kyle cooked dinner:) No offense to Kyle, but while I pretended to be fixing up my hair and makeup for our nice romantic dinner together, I was really keeping an ear to the wall, wondering what was going on in my kitchen. haha. Don't get me wrong, I have no fears about Kyle being in the kitchen. He can bake cookies like a pro, and knows how all the kitchen stuff works. But he wasn't baking cookies! He was cooking chicken fettuccini alfredo, from scratch! I've been cooking meals longer than he has, and I still failed at making alfredo sauce from scratch. And now he was trying to juggle three things at once (the chicken, the fettuccini, and the afredo)! I'm sure he forgives me for keeping my ears and nose focused on the kitchen. But, lo and behold, he didn't need my help at all! By the time I got pretty-fied and came out of the bathroom, he was dishing up pasta and salads, pouring wine, and lighting candles:) As for his cooking...well, I don't really have much reason to go back to Johnny Carinos anymore. I'll just make Kyle cook!;)

Wedding Pictures :)

To Check out our wedding pictures, go to www.myspace.com/theluckiestgirlever and click on my profile picture. It will take you to a page with photo 'albums' on it. Click on the album you want to see, and check them out! Sorry for not posting them all on here. Blogspot doesn't make picture-adding very convenient:-p Hope you enjoy the pictures!

Job Hunt Update!

Well, today I had another interview. I got there feeling like a windblown fraggle who'd just spent a half hour lost in downtown LA...okay, so aside from the "fraggle" part, that's all true. Two blocks further and twenty-six stories higher, I met some of the nicest people in Los Angeles:) I managed to smooth out my hair, suit, and nerves by the time I got to the office, thank goodness. First I met with Michelle. She is the HR person for the office. She was super nice, and made me feel really comfortable - not nearly the frazzled fraggle I'd felt like minutes before, haha. She interviewed me, and seemed to like me, as a person. I'm not really experienced enough with interviews to be able to "read" my interviewers, as to what they think of me professionally, but...she seemed to like me anyway, so that was encouraging. After awhile, a woman named Dee-dee (sp?) came in, and Michelle asked her to interview me also. Dee-dee was also really nice, and very comfortable to be around. I left feeling very positive, and extremely jittery! By the time I left, I wanted the job! The position is...well, actually they're hiring for two positions. One is as a receptionist, and one is as an executive assistant. Both job descriptions sounded fine to me, though I would definitely favor the assistant position (I'm much more comfortable with being a "go-fer" than a "company face" even though I can do either). The receptionist position is pretty much a standard receptionist job, but is with a far classier company than my previous job (no offense to my former company - I enjoyed my time there). The assistant position is basically like my old job, minus the receptionist part. The assistant would be responsible for keeping track of office supplies, coffee pots, paper stock, etc and would be consistently making sure that everything that the rest of the office needs to do their jobs, is available! Hehe, when describing this position to me, Michelle asked, "How do you feel about brewing coffee?" Feeling a bit silly, I said, "Uhm, well, I enjoy it actually." She then looked down at my resume to see my job at It's-A-Grind listed under job experience. Haha:) Apparently a lot of people would feel a little bit miffed being asked to keep track of other people's coffee. Hehe, I was thinkin' "I can make 'em lattes too if they'd like!" :-D Anyway, so either position sounds great to me. I definitely prefer being the "servant" over being the "company face," but I am fine with either, and walked out of the interview really really hoping I would get either position!
After the interview I went to the AGO fraternity house to kill time until Kyle got out of class. Nobody was around, so I had nobody to take my mind off my jitters, lol. So I called my dad:) I basically recited the interview back to him, haha, and he said it sounded like it went well:) Oh, I also called Stephen, who works for the staffing firm hired to find people for these positions. He's been really helpful in finding me a job, even to the extent of helping me improve my resume, coaching me on how to be a good interview-ee, and keeping me consistently updated on what positions may interest me. Anyway, I called him to follow up after the interview, and he sounded very positive about my interview:) He told me to call JoAnn, who also works with the staffing firm, for the same client, to follow up with her. She sounded positive also. I was getting tons of positive feedback, and encouragement from all sides!:) When Kyle finally got out of class, I picked him up, and of course updated him. We both got excited and hopeful, and very curious as to how soon we might hear back about the job opportunity.
Get this: Before we even got home, less than two hours after I left their office, JoAnn called from the staffing firm to tell me that, while the client still had a couple more people to interview, they were already 90% sure they want me! We are really hoping and praying that this works out! It seems like a really neat company, and so far everyone there seems really nice. It will also probably pay more than my last job:) We don't expect they'll shoot much higher than my previous salary, but any step up would be a huge blessing:) Anyway, be praying that this works out! We sure are! lol.
Oh, and for all you people out there who have a sort of non-sexual fetish for nice offices and office supplies (maybe that's only me, but oh well), this company's office is amazing! Sitting in the conference room, I had to keep myself from drooling on the polished mahogany table and leather arm chairs, or investigating the amazing wire-hiding techniques and classy screen-hiding-doors. Seriously, this office is beautiful. I won't be carrying too-full cups of coffee around, that's for sure! lol. OH, and they're on the top floor of a high-rise overlooking Beverly Hills, which is full of trees and bordered by a country club with a pristine green golf course! The view, as city-ful as it is, is quite a lovely sight:) ANYWAY, I'll quit daydreaming about mahogany conference rooms and get back to hoping and praying that I get the job! haha.

My 101

Inspired by Amee, who was inspired by Jocelyn, I've decided to write my own "101 in 1001". What is this "101 in 1001" thing? It's 101 things, goals if you will, that I would like to achieve within the next 1001 days. That's a bit less than 3 years, if my guess-work is correct. Anyhow...here's my 101:)

1. Actually finish a devotional book all the way through. (Apryl, I think the last one I finished was the one we did together...how sad is that? I've started at least one, but not finished!)

2. Get off birth control (I achieved this goal before I even finished writing my list!).

3. Be in awe at the blessing of feeling normal, once the birth control affects wear off (still waiting on this one though, lol).

4. Move out of L.A.

5. Buy a furniture set.

6. Make walking and/or running a part of my daily routine, at least on weekdays.

7. Lose my birth-control weight.

8. Learn to speak Kyle's love language(s) fluently.

9. Learn how to communicate my feelings without having to stew about them or let them "simmer" for so long before being able to put them into words.

10. Go for a whole week without spending any money (aside from essentials; bills, groceries, etc).

11. Make it through a trip to the grocery store without buying anything that wasn't on the list.

12. Get a job.

13. Quit a job (cause that means we'll be moving!).

14. Make or buy some sort of gift for our grouchy apartment managers.

15. Get over my hatred for beer (though I will never get over my hatred for drunkenness, but fortunately that's not an issue).

16. Buy Kyle a cowboy hat.

17. Take Kyle somewhere that he will actually wear his cowboy hat.

18. Attend a family reunion (where Kyle can wear his cowboy hat).

19. Send a care package to all the soldiers I know (that's only two, so I think we can manage that).

20. Get started making a baby. It's okay if this one takes some time...we'll maybe start trying around Day 1001...

21. Start going back to the dentist regularly.

22. Take a pottery or wood-working or other creative sort of class with Kyle.

23. Take a Biblical Studies course.

24. Learn Greek (I suspect this one may take more than 1001 days).

25. Buy a Greek Bible.

26. Paint at least one painting for our house.

27. Dance again, at least when nobody's around.

28. Stop complaining so much.

29. Learn to ignore pregnancy symptoms until I am off birth control (shoot, now I can't ignore them).

30. Own a dishwasher (This will be glorious).

31. Get Kyle an electric drum set.

32. Get Kyle a computer upgrade.

33. Forget about a past regret.

34. Visit the east coast.

35. Go camping.

36. Go backpacking at least once.

37. Get some good quality, as-comfortable-as-possible black pumps.

38. Make vacuuming a weekly habit.

39. Learn more about sex (sorry).

40. Build up a collection of children's books, Disney classics, the original VeggieTales, and Dr. Seuss books.

41. Rid my home of particle board (this will be difficult).

42. Get pictures taken with Kyle.

43. Volunteer somewhere.

44. Read the whole Bible.

45. Clean out my makeup stash and minimize it.

46. Start an IRA.

47. Become a more dedicated FlyBaby (Don't worry if this makes no sense).

48. Try a new recipe at least once a month.

49. Finish the Harry Potter books.

50. Get back to 26".

51. Get a dog (and train it before we get the nice furniture).

52. Buy us bicycles.

53. Paint a room.

54. Eat some MooseTracks. It's been too long.

55. Wear out a pair of running shoes.

56. Play in the snow.

57. Go to a fancy restaurant with live jazz and quiet customers.

58. Learn how to change my own oil.

59. Cut my hair short again.

60. Buy a real Christmas tree for Christmas.

61. Live somewhere that my parents will really want to visit (i.e. somewhere green).

62. Become a stay-at-home-wife.

63. Get involved in a womens Bible study.

64. Be an AWANA leader again if the opportunity arises.

65. Stop calling our kids by their potential names.

66. Donate more of our stuff to the Salvation Army or Goodwill.

67. Learn to eat my vegetables with a good attitude.

68. Figure out how to ignore the occasional baby itch.

69. Stop mentally laughing at this number like a junior higher.

70. Learn to sit up straight.

71. Keep a food journal/"body book".

72. Acquire a collection of various kinds of teas.

73. Start a tea cup collection.

74. Have someone over for tea :)

75. Take Kyle to see the Bar-D Wranglers again before they all die...

76. Go horseback riding.

77. Visit a Farmers Market.

78. Scrapbook our weddings.

79. Make chocolate dipped strawberries.

80. Create my own flower arrangement.

81. Have a front and back yard.

82. Buy a houseplant and not kill it.

83. Get into the habit of taking a shower every day.

84. Get into the habit of brushing my teeth more than once a day.

85. Learn a way to prepare vegetables where I'll actually like them.

86. Start taking pictures more often.

87. Get over how easily I get grossed out by bugs, and just kill them myself.

88. Begin to understand politics more.

89. Uhm....think of 11 more goals to add to this list...

Job Hunt Update

Well, today is day 7 of job hunting. So far I have had two interviews. One of them, at a temp agency, hired me on the spot, and kept me in their system even after I said I wasn't sure I wanted to actually accept the position. Apparently now if worse comes to worst, I can call them and say "assign me something" and they will. I could technically tell them to delete me from their system, but I figured a free backup job might not be a bad thing, even though I'm pretty sure I won't need it.
The second interview, I'm pretty sure was a failure. It was for a position that I'm completely unfamiliar with, and I didn't really have any real answers to most of their questions. "How do you handle stress?" "Uhmm.......gee, I can't remember ever being truly stressed before, so I don't have a clue!" How do I make that sound good? All I could really do was speculate. "Based on my personality, I'm guessing I would do/say/be __." I've no experience with most of the challenges they brought up, and had little of value to say. I felt kind of bad because someone in their company had specifically recommended me for the job, and I basically went to the interview and quickly discovered a hundred new ways to say "I don't know". Unless they recognized the incredible quick-thinking/improv skills, I doubt they were impressed.
Anyway, I have another interview today. We'll see how that one goes. It's actually an "interview for an interview"...this company hired a staffing firm to find them a receptionist. So I have to interview with the staffing firm, and then if they like me, I'll be interviewed by the actual company. They haven't even told me what company this is for, so...who knows where this one will go...
We could still use your prayers, of course. We're doing okay financially, and we're certainly not feeling hopeless yet, but we'll be glad when we have income again. Thanks for your prayers. And thanks for the support so many people are offering:) Your encouragement is really appreciated:) We'll keep ya posted!:)

Job Hunt Update

Today is Day 1 of my job hunt, and God may already be workin':) My first move toward finding a new job was to try to think of people who might know of job opportunities in their own companies. During my time at Mediaedge, I met a radio sales rep (he sells ad spots on the radio, not radios, lol) named Zayne. He's a really neat guy:) He came in every few weeks at least, including bringing his family in to hand out candy for Halloween and treats for Christmas:) He's one of those people who's pretty much always up for helping people. Whether it was "Know of any good date spots?" or "What's the quickest route to Westwood?" he had answers! haha. So today I thought, "Maybe Zayne knows of some job openings..." I e-mailed him and told him my situation. He was pretty surprised that I got fired, lol. He asked me to send him my resume, and let him know what areas I'd be willing to work in, and what my salary needs are. I e-mailed him back and sent him that information. Almost immediately he e-mailed me and said that the director of sales in his office is in immediate need of an assistant, and that he has referred me to him. I am supposed to keep my phone handy, as I should be getting a call from the director of sales there! Apparently the position needs to be filled ASAP, and I need a job ASAP, haha. Needless to say, I was pretty excited to already have gotten a recommendation! Be praying that this works out!! Thanks, to everyone who has been praying for us:) And thanks Zayne!!!

At Home, Thinkin' and Singin'

However long our feet have walked on this world
We've all lived long enough to know
That sometimes life will go our way
And other times it won't
But still I've got this joy inside of me
With each new dawn I do believe to

Say hey, it's a good day
Even if things aren't going my way
Jesus is Lord and I am saved
So, say hey, it's a good day

Circumstance and situations change
You know life can turn on a dime
But there's a constant hope and peace
That I have come to find
And it's all because of who God is
And that He is alive and I am His, so

Say hey, it's a good day
Even if things aren't going my way
Jesus is Lord and I am saved
So, say hey, it's a good day

We are all as happy as we make our minds up to be
I have just decided that nothing's gonna take this joy from me

Say hey, it's a good day
Even if things aren't going my way
Jesus is Lord and I am saved
So, say hey--
Say hey, it's a good day
Even if things aren't going my way
Jesus is Lord and I am saved
So, say hey--
Jesus is Lord and I am saved
So, say hey--yeah
Jesus is Lord and I am saved
So, say hey, it's a good day

--------------------------------
It's A Good Day
by: FFH aka Far From Home

I Think God Read My Last Post

Well, like I said..."God may be gracious and merciful, but He does have a sense of humor, so...we'll see what He does with me."

Yesterday, I lost my job. I've gotten a lot of "WHAT?!?"s and "What happened!?"s already. Well, the reason given was that they're doing some reorganizing. The reality, I believe, is that they were getting the idea that maybe this receptionist thing wasn't my little 'nitch' in life, and I kind of accidently confirmed that for them. My bad. Anyway, seeing as being a receptionist isn't my little 'nitch' in life, I'm seeing this as a blessing in disguise. I have to say, aside from quitting when we move out of LA, it couldn't have gone much smoother than it did. I still think my former boss is really cool, and his boss is pretty cool. I'm glad I could go through the firing process and still think that. Most people don't care much for their boss to begin with, so I consider myself lucky. Anyway, as much as I see it as a blessing in disguise, I do get the occasional "Wait! We still have to pay bills!" and "Where am I gonna find another job??" moments. But...God has provided already. I got a decent severance pay package;) lol. And I know a few people that I met through my job at Mediaedge, whom I can at least contact to see if they have any positions available. Even if none of those work out, at least in the very beginning, I am not feeling completely lost. I at least have a 'starting block'.

That said, while we're being optimistic, we could certainly use some prayer. If you guys could keep us in your prayers, that'd be great:) Thanks everyone:)

Wow, It's been a whole week?

Awhile back I was thinking about the world. I don't do that very often. Unfortunately usually my thoughts are limited to my little sphere of the world. I'm kinda nearsighted like that. But occasionally I think about the rest of the world. It occured to me that it'd been awhile since I'd heard any missions updates, ministry miracles, or cool stories about what God's been doing. For a moment (God didn't let this thought linger long) I wondered, "So...where's God been? What is He up to?? Why am I not seeing Him working?"...It quickly occured to me that I'm very nearsighted. The last time I saw God working was when I was involved. My first thought was, "Gee, I need to open my eyes. I'm sure somebody out there is doing something for God." *sigh* He didn't let that thought linger long either. In fact it almost felt like He kind of flicked me on the back of the head (lovingly of course;) and said, "Don't look harder! Move closer! You're not seeing Me move because you're not moving with Me!" Ouch...but it's true...The only times I question God's plans, work, and activity in our world, is when I'm failing to be involved in it.
Our church recently sent out (local loss, grand-scheme glory) two families who were very active in our church. They're moving on to work on a church plant in Arizona (it's been planted, they're "watering"). The church is not going to die without them, but there sure are quite a few consequent bulletin notices at our church: "We need nursery workers!" "Join us for worship team practice!" etc To be honest, I haven't really found my "nitch" in ministry. I'm not sure where God wants me. So I just kind of threw myself out there and told Pastor Jan, "Put me where you (or God, rather) want me!" Now, God may be gracious and merciful, but He has a sense of humor...so we'll see what He does with me...